love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding day and diamonds and foods and being treated like your worth being invited to parties and events by others and being appreciated, helping do community things and getting rewards for it and having friends put on a suprise birthday party for me, love to me is being given choices and feelings of "you are good enough", love to me is getting the high income pay cheque in some corporate office or academic profession , or why is it all the psychology i did, all the university all the law , all the health study all the things I have done - nothing is ever good enough. I have no skills, I have nothing any man would want but fat old losers? why? why is everyone else allowed a men of their choice and baby and wedding but me? and I this always being forced out with losers like russell or parker or gossing or ken who were dead boring depressing morbid losers I couldn't stand. why cant I bash a women for a man like katey did. why can't i be like joyce with a police husband who looks cute and treat young women like shit likee she did to me? why cant I have a corporate job or own investments that would make your ass fall off? like other people are allowed to. why am I the one that always has to be reasonable and sensible and everyone else is allowe to be stupid, violent and rude and nasty but me, why do I have to have more self control than anyone and everyone else I know or around me??????? NO ONE HAS THE SELF CONTROL I HAVE AND I AM SICK OF IT. I WANT TO BASH WOMEN. I WANT TO BASH CERTAIN MEN. I DON'T TRUST A LOT OF PEOPLE ANYMORE. WE NEED TO WIN A LOTTERY TO GO ON THIS CRUISE CUZ WITH WORK I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T SAVE WITHOUT WORK. I SHOULD HAVE EMPLOYMENT AND I AM A BETTER PERSON THAT SARINA RUSSO OR MOST WOMEN ACTUALLY.