i want a job i did a uk nanny certificate and all i want is some part time work. i just wish i could find someone to trust in me for some work. i want to work part time. in office, or retail or anything humanable. i need the money. all i am expected to do is pay for my parents cruises and holidays all the time, food, pet bills, my own medical bills often come last. my education is expensive. i have a aunty who won $6 or million in lotto and her husband abused me and so have her kids and I just don't trust their daughter anymore. she has terrible children. at first I thought it was not nice of my aunty to be saying her granddaughter needed a kick up the bum all the time but she has been expelled 3 times from school and is not a nice person from what i have seen and how can you expect her to be with parents and grandparents like that. all my cousin does is show off at police men and other men when her father has been in jail, half of his family were in jail, he molested at me and my sister. they were in court cases and he was attacking people. my aunty says she doesn't miss him. I think of all the times i babysat those kids and i never once treated them less for what their father was. and I can see the mistake I made now. I had an attitude like "well if dad can't get work with all his skills and experience who the hell will employ me if i am some loser ugly kid who dropped out of school after being sexually attacked by a great uncle and I collapsed at school one day because someone put glass in the mince. i can't even look at stuffed capsicums anymore without fear and terror and trauma. I just want a job. i wish i had a zillion dollar walk in closet but gee it would be nice to be appreciated and loved and valued and earning money. i blame trevor for this because i am sure mr lanepain-in-the ass has been bad mouthing me. I worked during lunch breaks he doesn't even know about because he was too busy banging his wife at lunch breaks and the whole office was left to me to run while they were out partying. the same with other jobs. when I worked at the Mercurse hotel. I worked thru lunch breaks and didn't stop and I had a whole 24 room floor to manage to myself with penthouse suits and my boss trusted me. I did heaps of things and I want a bloody job!

i want a job i did a uk nanny certificate and all i want is some part time work. i just wish i could find someone to trust in me for some work. i want to work part time. in office, or retail or anything humanable. i need the money. all i am expected to do is pay for my parents cruises and holidays all the time, food, pet bills, my own medical bills often come last. my education is expensive. i have a aunty who won $6 or million in lotto and her husband abused me and so have her kids and I just don't trust their daughter anymore. she has terrible children. at first I thought it was not nice of my aunty to be saying her granddaughter needed a kick up the bum all the time but she has been expelled 3 times from school and is not a nice person from what i have seen and how can you expect her to be with parents and grandparents like that. all my cousin does is show off at police men and other men when her father has been in jail, half of his family were in jail, he molested at me and my sister. they were in court cases and he was attacking people. my aunty says she doesn't miss him. I think of all the times i babysat those kids and i never once treated them less for what their father was. and I can see the mistake I made now. I had an attitude like "well if dad can't get work with all his skills and experience who the hell will employ me if i am some loser ugly kid who dropped out of school after being sexually attacked by a great uncle and I collapsed at school one day because someone put glass in the mince. i can't even look at stuffed capsicums anymore without fear and terror and trauma. I just want a job. i wish i had a zillion dollar walk in closet but gee it would be nice to be appreciated and loved and valued and earning money. i blame trevor for this because i am sure mr lanepain-in-the ass has been bad mouthing me. I worked during lunch breaks he doesn't even know about because he was too busy banging his wife at lunch breaks and the whole office was left to me to run while they were out partying. the same with other jobs. when I worked at the Mercurse hotel. I worked thru lunch breaks and didn't stop and I had a whole 24 room floor to manage to myself with penthouse suits and my boss trusted me. I did heaps of things and I want a bloody job!
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one physiotherapist I went to when I was really ill did really hard massage on my left shoulder and he said to me "you have an incredible tolerance to pain" and I thought "yeh well don't push it mate!" because he seemed to go all the harded and then said to me "you will feel like you are having a heart attack but your not" sure enough a few days later I was packing off to another doctor beside myself in over my mastoid eventhough all the mri's and ct scans were showing what they said was "nothing" yet the ambulance officer said "there is a good reason why you have been sent to the neurologist/brain surgeon" the heart pain was out of this world serveral times in a few months I thought I was going to die I could tell when my heart was slowing down and I would be pacing around all hours of the night trying to breath and I was seeing another physiotherapist as well for pnemonia treatment and I just wondered why people were doing all this to me? ever since I was a kid people were putting this shit down on me, then all this deliberate isolation like I was some leppa or freakin criminal on parole going to russos answering the big bear gruff which was just insanity. all these doctors and tests all saying "no nothing is wrong, yes you have a ear infection but you won't die" and I was like well why the hell is this driving me insane the infection took forever to go down and once the ent did the surgery on my ear drum I had all this blood on the roof of my mouth for weeks and I couldn't brush my teeth so I was using salt a lot and I couldn't wash my hair because everytime I did it felt like my brain water was swelling and you just get sick of doctors saying shit at you that its like they are taking a bit off you rather then being sincer and polite, and there were a few really good doctors as well. one indian young doctor at the hospital was amazingly thorough, I get really annoyed sometimes because a lot of doctors today forget very basic procedures like BP and pulse and looking into throat and eyes and chest - they are often as lazy as the cops and will take the laziest way out of a case which years ago doctors would never do. I was insulted a number of times and I was warned to shut up and let the situation go and ignore all the bullying and if I said anything it was like I was going to get it I got the warning via other people however, they use other people to talk through them. that is what I don't like its really snide too. and I was not going to back down. I told one indian female doctor to go shove it because I was polite to her and she would giggle and shake her head and say the specialists didn't prescript the right thing or it wouldn't work what they prescribed and I said "I have to trust my gp i have to rely on you to work with my specialists and tell me things if they don't, if you think its an issue say so say why? don't just giggle and she was like "I don't need to read all that from the specialist I am a doctor" and I said yes but I am not! I need you to follow with the speciaist and not have me as lettuce leaf between the sandwich. why are you working against the specialists every time? why do you keep saying they are wrong?" that only puts more doubt and upset on me then making me question them more and more. I don't need anymore doubt I already have plenty, and I don't want anyone ruining my professional relationships with any more of my doctors becausse its annoying having to change doctors I need to settle somewhere and trust what they say. I try my best to ignore as much as I can, but I don't need the unwanted comments that are insulting because believe me, I can be insulting and slash back unexpectly at people too! I have my ways and means of finding peoples secrets out. I will undo people who mess with me, I hate my neighbors for attacking D, he can answer for himsself if he wronged me.

one physiotherapist I went to when I was really ill did really hard massage on my left shoulder and ...