I feel depressed by poverty and loneliness and struggle.

I can't get excited about doing this silly design degree no matter how much I try, I am too practical. I spoke to a priest about ideas and he has more of a idea of what I am interested in than that frivolous rubbish of design. I take my mum to church and the ballet and high teas and massages and gym for something to do, we raise money and help out a few charity groups and i need more help then I can give right now. I am so tired and stiff in the back from the rain on my slipped discs and neck aching and all I could do was get home from the wet rain to have some old brandy dark fruit christmas pudding and custard cuz I don't care what people think of me anymore. I rarely wear make up and hit my eye today putting on silly eye liner and those things are just all filled with poison that gets into the skin. I go to boring church or support group meetings and I am a dull person. I don't even drink soft drink or cordial or even juice much - just water or teas, I have a wide variety of teas as does my dad and we all like them, we have a capincino machine we opened at xmas and all these coffee no one uses. I am worried about my persian cat she could have urinary tract infection and my black/chocolate cat is clearly an allergy cat which is stressing me.

I can't get excited about doing this silly design degree no matter how much I try, I am too practica...

you will find rose and dad are worse then me and mum we are the family of the "no fun police" no one has fun here! the most excitement we had was a few years ago midnight mass and one new years eve was looking at the psychic channel and no alcohol we were so bored senseless and a bunch of more the debbie downers here, rose beats all the debbie downers out. dad is in bed by 7pm and read a lot do exercise equipment and the place is a mess. how could it be otherwise with no help. I have to do it all and go to support group to learn how to be human again.

you will find rose and dad are worse then me and mum we are the family of the "no fun police" no one...

i feel guilty about the food i have eaten today breakfast i had 1/4 cup of oats and berries (because i am fat) morning tea i had a maderine lunch i had a crumbed sausage and some yogurt and madarine, afternoon tea i had some crispbread and vegimite dinner i had lean steak and veg and fruit pudding and custard and I feel guilty like a gormandising glutton. i feel guilty for every bit of food i eat, last night i had a small roll with herbs and felt guilty. water is the only thing i don't feel guilty about, or tea with milk.

i feel guilty about the food i have eaten today breakfast i had 1/4 cup of oats and berries (becaus...