this is something most of my friends at college and university and work could never understand that I can't afford the expense of socialising like normal people I don't get enough money even when I was a teen to afford drinking out. I used to get $174 a fortnight and I had to give my parents most of it and had just $50 to myself each fortnight. and i mean we have bills to pay, health insurance i had to get rid of and i can't afford all these bus fares and eating out all the time and I never shopped at Myer and brand names unless second hand. you know. I just can't afford to drink and piss money up a wall. besides I am so addicted to water or teas I drink that much I am obsessed with it. i have pets and i have to pay out that much in course fees and workshops and health treatments for me and my pet. do you fucking understand?

today I felt offended. I went to buy and very beautiful orchid and the cashier was making out it was not healthy and I should have stuck with "I will take it anyway" she made it sound like it was a difficult task and its not at all to cut the old roots off, I think she just wanted it for herself or repot it and sell it at a dearer price, some orchids will droop depending on the breed and I am sure she diddled me, we put a ticket in the raffle and the lady said "well I hope you win the raffle then" we go to all these flower exhibitions taking photos and I love the smell and I could take photos a lot and interview the society people and how they judge it, it all seems so scientific and like "clever clever". then I thought of a childrens books activity and stories around flowers we have photographed. and thought it would be good to interview the winners plants and talk about their work in floral art and plant cultivation and prize judging! I talked to a guy today who was explaining to me how they cross pollenate to get her varieties and colors. that is my sort of interest not joyce and frngie bi/gay swingers clubs. I wouldn't want to be in sexual rubbish and I didn't put my name to anything I did with rick and katy or joyce or anita. cuz I just don't need the bs of it all. I am past all that. so anyway we did by a hanging orchid and moss and we bought another one a while back and I want to get more confidence growing them I would love a whole conversatory of them and nocturnal flowers that glow in the dark and radiate vibrant strings of delight, already we have a peach tree, frangipani will flower soon, 2 types of jasmin, camelias (I want to learn how to wax them), also azalahas and these japanese look yesterday,today, tomorrow and bromiliads and ciads agapathas and staghorns and clivia, bird of paradise and alamanda and flowering may and hibscus and geishas and roses delbards and david austins and herbs and lavander and this thing that has a sweet honey strong aroma at night so it does smell very frangrant during august, sept, october. but I did like this white orchid. so i was hurt. the fragrance of the big ones was lovely and I like the hanging ones a lot.

today I felt offended. I went to buy and very beautiful orchid and the cashier was making out it was...

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