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I have a diary of all my appointments and events but after the news a few weeks ago about more skin cancer I just lost all focus on what was going on around me. forgot appointments and I go to see a skin cancer doctor a lot and I knew something was wrong for a long time. the gyno said the vaginal itch is definately not in my imagination. its embarasing and I just feel more persecuted and abused really. I did enough vaginal cutting on my self as self punishment as a child for the sexual abuse- this is just adding to the hurt and feelings of always being punished that somehow it was all my fault- but a therapist today told me its normal to go through this upset and fear. I have to do what ever treatment I can to heal and get better. I hate neddles I am scared of having to go through vaginal reconstructive surgery due to skin cancer and abnormal cells that showed up and I am just praying that it won't be so bad as all that or have to go that far. - what did I ever do to deserve all this? as a child of 4? what little girl of 4 looks for this abuse and neglect and harshness because I never did. I don't understand why I have never been really loved how I wanted to be loved. I wanted children and marriage so badly. I was just afraid to make a move fear of being attacked and bashed. I long to have a normal healthy sex life and love life, a love of my own! I don't understand what god does this to children? its making me question my faith and not that I could turn to satanism, I never could, even I used to laugh at some of those comedy things and other times I would cry because they actually werent funny for the real victims of it.

I have a diary of all my appointments and events but after the news a few weeks ago about more skin ...

PrideAbuseViolenceSex

I am going to ask my mum to come in the surgery room with me when I have this done. only cuz I want to know what and where they are cutting- they are my genitals. I don't want to give my private parts to perranas and I have had enough of dumb things that have near killed me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw

I am going to ask my mum to come in the surgery room with me when I have this done. only cuz I want ...

PrideAbuseHateViolence

why don't white men want to marry? they only like thin tall models who look beautiful and come from rich homes who are well educated and whose families can advance their careers and personal ambitions and bank accounts and connections, they want to be envied, men think you should be grateful if they are married if they want to rape you and they are boring and uncivil rude and lack personal character. black men take too many liberties and all I have wanted was a white husband with some charm and class and when I was thin - he should have looked the mirror of me and the man who used me did not look the mirror of me. and I don't want to look the mirror of him or the majority of the men I met who were weird. men should learn to communicate better and I only ever liked the young single tall handsome men anyway not moneyed men.

why don't white men want to marry? they only like thin tall models who look beautiful and come from ...

Pride