i just want to go to this hindi woman for business and I don't want her talking about personal life and bullying me into believing I can have children when I gave up on that dream ages ago like lily says, really says it all. I want children but I am a whole woman/person regardless of job or no job, man or no man, child or no child, money or no money. and while I want to believe in having children logic tells me that it might not happen, it will take a lot of medical assistances to happen. it will take a more then a miracle or as dads grandfather used to say "you will need a cyclone behind you", and all the people my great grandfather did for the alp and grandfather and my father and I only have done small things because the younger ones especially in the alp qld failed to help me when it was important unlike the old federal labor that dad and his great grandfather and my grandfather and my dad knew.

i just want to go to this hindi woman for business and I don't want her talking about personal life and bullying me into believing I can have children when I gave up on that dream ages ago like lily says, really says it all. I want children but I am a whole woman/person regardless of job or no job, man or no man, child or no child, money or no money. and while I want to believe in having children logic tells me that it might not happen, it will take a lot of medical assistances to happen. it will take a more then a miracle or as dads grandfather used to say "you will need a cyclone behind you", and all the people my great grandfather did for the alp and grandfather and my father and I only have done small things because the younger ones especially in the alp qld failed to help me when it was important unlike the old federal labor that dad and his great grandfather and my grandfather and my dad knew.
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I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

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