im a liar and a loser and i hate myself

i had just recently finished my mid year exams.....my mum is very annoying bout how i hav 2 study all the time to get good marks.i hav been lying to her all the time saying i hav studied when i didnt even touch my books at all.i feel bad about this.should i just tell her i havnt been studying or just keep on lying to her about it?i love my mum but i just dont feel the motivation 2 go and study.plz i dont know wat i shuld do.....i dont want 2 lie but if i dont then she wuld b sad about me not trying my best..... in another cenario my group of frends met this other group of girls and our 2 groups started hanging out alot.i liked this girl but my frend also liked her 2.....but meanwhile the girl found out that we both liked her.then i told the girl and my frend that i wuld let my frend try 2 date her and stuff.i kept doin this and i made the girl feel really bad and like a toy bcoz we just kept passing her around.i dont feel very good and i think she lieks me but i think i dont like her anymore....i dont know if i liek her or not....she keeps on making me think she likes me and then the next second she givs me the impression that she dusnt.wat shuld i do?shuld i still let my frend go 4 her or do i just like ring out?and a few days ago i saw sum pictures of her frend and i thought she was pretty hot....am i a dikhed bcoz i like whoever i c?bcoz now i wanna hook up with the girls frend...i feel like a dik.....liking the frend of the girl i had just liked.....am i unforgivable or just selfish?i duno if i shuld still b liking the frend of the girl or shuld i not like her 2 b a bit moral in a sense.....i dont know..... plz help me
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I'm 24 year old gay bottom who lives to be taken anally. I live by the ocean in California with a state forest preserve behind my house. Last summer a group of young boys began drink behind my house in the woods. At some point they must have started watching the house and me. One night it was almost 11pm I was very depressed, as I had not been with a man for months. I drank a lot and started jerking off, but then I wanted anal. I really lubed my ass and started using my large dildo in my ass. My eyes were closed and i was fantasizing about men and I was really enjoying, then I heard laughter. I opened my eyes 9 teen boys were in the room. Some only in shorts and sneakers but all were young, lean and beautiful. I said get out of my house, but they laughed again. Suddenly, I was being held down, and I was entered. For the next 7 hours they used my ass and mouth. I was being raped, but I never felt so satisfied in my life. I came from the anal pounding 6 times. And was forced to swallow cum from all 9 of them. My ass was taken multiple times, some fucking me 3 times. By morning the bed and i were covered in cum. I was weak and in pain from my assault. Then the oldest one who was about 16 came over his cock was hard again. He said,Blow me. I was crying, "I can't anymore". He slapped me several times, grabbed my hair and forced his cock in my mouth. I was gagging badly, he kept slapping me saying suck it bitch then finally came with me swallowing. He pushed me away and i fell on the floor. He called me a dirty fag. It was to much, I was so humiliated I threw up on my self then my ass let go, dumping shit, their cum and my blood on the floor. He grabbed my the hair and said clean up this mess we want it clean when we come back tonight. I layed on the floor crying and blacked out. It was noon when I woke up. I shower, my body in agony, my poor ass burning and still dripping blood. It took me hours to clean the bedroom. I was frighten they would come back again that night, but frighten they would not. It started to rain and I was alone, I slept but had a wet dream about being anally raped. That Friday night, I left the back door open and layed naked in bed wanting them all again. They came, but this time I gave myself to them willingly. A year has passed and I am so happy with my life. 9 late teen boys come to me almost every night. They breed me anally and give my mouth the cum I need. One of them visit sometime during the day and we make gentle love. We are in love but the others don't know. He has given me head and swallowed. He is so gentle with me, kissing me softly. But in the group, he has to be rough so they don't discover our love. But the reality is that I want them all to raped me every night and force me to swallow their cum. The 9 if them give my the only true pleasure I have ever known.

I'm 24 year old gay bottom who lives to be taken anally. I live by the ocean in California with a st...