I live with Carlo and Reba since I was 4 years

I live with Carlo and Reba since I was 4 years old. I am 13 now and thier 2 kids are Nilsa who is 9 and Julio who is 11. When any of us get in trouble or are bad we get spanked. As long as I can remember they always made us get naked before they spanked us. They both speak english good but when carlo hollars at us he always speaks spanish. Carlo is my mothers cousin and my godfather. They spank us naked in front of each other most of the time. They even spank us like that in front of other relitives sometimes. When Carlo drinks a lot he spanks us for little things we do. He spanked Nilsa last week in front of me and Julio. He made her take all her clothes off in the kitchen and spanked her very hard. I know she was embarresed but not as much as i am becuse she doesn't hve any breasts yet. I don't think it is fair that i am spanked naked and think i am to old now for them to do that to me. i am always and always was shamed when i am spanked naked in front of Nilsa and Julio but many time was spanked that way in front of uncles and other cousins. I have seen Julio and Nilsa spanked naked many times and they have seen me naked and spanked many times. I have thought aboutrunning away but have nowhere to go. I try to be good all the time but sometimes i get in trouble and get spanked when i do. Carlo spanks us more than Reba does and hits us much longer and harder and both of them make us get naked. I have breasts now and hair growing and am so embarresed when I get spanked i just want to die somtimes. They don't understand how shameful it is for me now. it was even bad when i was littleler. I have begged them not to make me get naked but they just call me a kid. They don't care who is watching and don't know how it makes me upset. When Carlo drinks a lot it is even worse and he gets real mean with us. Three weeks ago i failed an algebra test very bad. Carlo got home late that day and it was after 8 oclock when Nilsa came in my room and said her dad wants me in the kitchen. When i got to the kitchen he was already hollaring at me in spanish. I knew he was drinking a lot as soon as i walked in the kitchen. I knew I was going to get spanked but when I looked around the room Reba, Nilsa and Julio were there but I never expected Rebas brother Hecter and his son Juan to be there. Jaun is the same age as Nilsa so I think he is 9 or 10. Carlo took off his belt and told me to take my clothes off as he just kept hollaring at me. I just stated crying and was trembling and shaking at the thought of being naked in front of all of them. Hecter had seen me naked one other time but i know Jaun never did. I was so scared I couldn't move and as he hollared at me he grabbed my hair and started pulling up my night shirt. When it was off and on the floor he held my hair and made me take off my panties. I was so shamed i just kept crying and he pulled me over his lap by my hair. I was almost out of my mind when he started spanking me with his hand i started to kick and scream. Reba got up and held my legs and I could see everyone looking at me. I was wiggleing so much my head was almost on the floor and he began to spank me with the belt. The pain was so bad i know i was screaming and begging him not to hit me anymore. When he finally stopped he just pushed me on the floor. I just layed there for a minute and could see Juan, Hecter and Julio looking at my breasts and vagina and god knows what else they saw when i was on Carlos lap. My whole face was wet with tears and when i got up i started for the steps but Carlo again grabbed my hair and started to hoolar at me in spanish again. I just stood their as he held my hair trying to cover myself with my hands. I could see Nilsa felt sorry for me by the sad look on her face but Juan, Hecter and even Julio were smiling and even laughing at me. When he let me go i started to run to the steps but Carlo made me come back and pick up my nightshirt and panties off the floor then I just ran as fast as I could to my room. A few days later I sat and talked to Carlo and Reba and Carlo wasn't drinking. I pleaded and begged them not to ever do that to me again in front of people. I told them how much they shamed me doing that and they finally promised only to spank me in private from now on. I just hope Carlo isn't lying to me and keeps his word. I am xtra carful to stay out of trouble and am studying harder everynight now and do all my homework.
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i never put myself out there or flirt if i am thin or fat, but being overweight i didn't put myself out there at parties on the ship i could have because i see myself as disgustingly ugly. i met a really nice doctor on the ship and his partner from russia and they were so nice she was taller then me but blumpy but i see her as exotic with her culture and his culture from another part of the world I can't remember where, but he was perfect and to me i just see this ugly old fat unhappy sad, lonely, no hoper that every one hates and i hate my body deeply. i think most overweight lonely people with illness don't embrace this fat body love crap and fat acceptance stuff. most fat people are deeply unhappy, the only benefit to being fat is, people don't bother you for sex or annoy you when your thin they expect you to hand out sex and smiles and flirts everywhere when your fat they expect you to be unhappy and sad and depressed and quiet and that is my true character, i have been more depressed in my life then anything else even with money or without money. flirting is not my thing. i am very matter of fact and business like with men. i only ever tried flirting for about 1- 2 year zone when i was 3-32 because i was thin. but even as a teen and young woman i never flirted and prefered to study and be alone with my cats and i mean it was clear men didn't like me and all the useless unwanted ugly old men would bother me. now they pick up the fuck off sign i were on my forhead everywhere i go. i am not interested at all til i am the person i want to be then i will let love in. another guy in support group feels the same way, he said "if i have no job then i won't allow myself a relationship and i am the same", it makes people realise you are not gonna just take what comes or sell yourself up or down for just sex. i am not interested in him he is way too old for me. my attitude is no career and no thinness no flirting and no sex and i place a price of currancy on everything about me when it is how i want it then i might flirt, but without a job your a nothing even if thin or family money, or university you're a nothing without a big job. i never paid for any dates with any men. i never made others a slave to me i would say others tried to make me a slave to them and i won't be that. they can be there own slaves. the presumption that anyone expected anything of a loser like ken just shows what a idiot he is. I am fat and ugly as he was then when he raped me and there is no hot young virgin male around for me to rape? and no one especially me, i never asked a spastic old scum to help me, he took. I was thin and single and deserved better only other people couldn't see that. i could see i deserved better, it was other people forcing things i didn't want like fat dog bec and rick and katy and i told police i have every reason to believe ken ken rick and katy and bec and all that group, its likely he knew joyce and william and others. my guess is william got him to rape me as that is the evil sort of person william is. I don't ever want to see him again because i do believe he was the one who caused all this. there was always something evil about that family and still is. i am exactally how others wanted my life to be, i stay in bed all day every day unless i need to go to the doctor or out for something. i don't talk much to people. I avoid a lot of people and i am recluse and shy again just like i was when bill abused me and ron assaulted me, they made me feel ugly. only a ugly girl gets molested by ugly old men. only ugly girls get raped by ugly fat men. only ugly girls get illnesses and only ugly girls get ignored and jobless and have no friends. its like roy sings 'only the lonely, is ugly... only the ugly" !!! and this ugly old witch dog pig faced redhead is not flirting with anyone and is openly rude sometimes if i can get away with it to certain people. i have accepted my lot in life of misery lonlenss and ugliness. only ugly people get abused as kids, or they end up ugly for being abused as kids. that is just nature and life sorting each other out. like when animals dump their young that are deformed, well it will die anyone so the mother rejects it. you have to learn to thing self self self. what is in it for me, how can i benefit from everything. being ugly and abused by ugly is a sign of gods hate for you! that is all the therapy I ever knew.

i never put myself out there or flirt if i am thin or fat, but being overweight i didn't put myself ...