Trying to get over things There's not really a category for this so I'm hitting other. Anyways to summarize in short: I did a lot of very bad things and feel guilty as hell. This might be really heavy for some of you guys but I'm not in a position right now where I can go to a therapist or seek psychiatric evaluation and things have been building up to the point where I feel that I need to dump it all out to someone. I can't talk about these things to my friends because I am so scared that it'd change their perception of me and they'd think I was disgusting or start to hate me. I really don't want to lose friends. Actual vent oh boy here we go,, When I was a lot younger //between 3-5 years ago// I got involved with a not good group of people. Basically a gang but not really. I was prompted to start doing bad things. I stole for the group of people I was with and got in a few fist fights. I ended up going home with bloody noses and black eyes for a while. I also ended up literally tied up I made and lost a LOT of friends during the time I was hanging out with the bad bunch. I was also friends with two other people at the same time who had nothing to do with the "gang". They were the kind who ditched me, yelled at me, hit me, manipulated me, and pulled my hair when I did nothing wrong. What really sucks is that I can barely remember most of it! All the fine details such as names, faces, and even what time of year it was aren't there at all. When I decided to stop putting up with the peer pressure and that I needed to get out before I ended up with more than bloody noses and black eyes I got a concussion. I told my friends I was leaving them and they threw me off a bridge into a deep rocky part of a creek, I hit my head and came inches within breaking my neck. Some girl who I can barely remember dragged me out and helped me back home. I can't remember what she looked like, what her name was, or what we did up to a certain point a few hours after I got thrown. She told me we should get revenge because I wasn't a part of the group any more and that they did me dirty. My stupid ass agreed and we took a GUN! aN ACTUAL G U N??? To one dudes house and threatened to shoot him. We shot a hole in his wall. I was going to actually try to shoot him and I'm so thankful I missed. We were kids when this happened too. It finally occurred to us that someone probably saw us and we ran to my house and some old man had followed us. My friend suggested we sneak out and actually kill something. I'll leave it vague here since we did kill something. She ended up crying really hard and I yelled at her and got so angry because she suggested it in the first place and she was the one buckling under pressure. I yelled at her and forced her to do it and I hate myself so mUCH. The only person found out we threatened to kill someone was the old man and I haven't seen him since then. I just really wishh I could apologize and say I'm sorry for not saying "No" and just know if she's okay or not now. And the fact that I went that far is so!! STUPID!!!! I WAS SO STUPID AND THE THINGS I DID HAVE STUCK WITH ME. IM STILL A VIOLENT PERSON LIKE I WAS BACK THEN BUT NOW I JUST DONT HAVE AS MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO ACT ON IT. I HATE MYSELF AND I THINK ILL ALWAYS BE GUILTY OVER IT. I DESERVE TO BE GUILTY OVEF IT,

I did a strip and gang bang for my daughters college friends after she set it in motion, unknowingly. This will need some backstory, so forgive me. I was married to Steve at 19 and began swinging with my husband at 20. He loved to see me shared with others and video taped a lot of what I did when we played. For years there was a box of video tapes in the back of my closet after we divorced with 10-12 years worth of my sexual exploits on them. Then I went back to college in my 30’s and met Mike. We hit it off and had fun and great sex and I eventually told him about my swinging past and showed him the video tapes and he was impressed and said he wanted to see me do a group and film it. I was willing, as I missed the group sex aspect of swinging. Well, he set up a strip tease, bachelor party with a group of 5 guys from the local air force base and had them agree to let him film it. He used a camera on a tripod and a hand held with the instructions to them to not block the camera. It went off great and he filmed the whole thing and the tapes ended up in the box. Mike also wanted to film me do a strip act on a stage as a real stripper. I told him not in public, so he worked a deal with the owner or Peaches, a local strip club and one Sunday afternoon, we met the own and the DJ and Mike filmed me dance a six song set to the DJ’s regular music, with the last number being a simulated sex on the floor as they all three watched . He shot it with the two came set up also. When Mike and I parted ways. I met and married a guy named Russ who was into electronics and videography. Well, Russ discovered the video tape and as a surprise he cut and edited all the tapes Steve had shot and the ones Mike had filmed. He made to DVD’s that looked like professionally manufactured porn DVDs. One was “The Best of Blinky” and opened with credits, was all the good sex scenes I had done as a swinger with all the right porno music and ended with the entire party I did for the Airmen and closed with Credits and copyright and all. The other DVD was an Audition DVD with all the graphics and such. It showed the whole thing from Peaches, cut and edited and closed with a scrolling advertisement that I was available for private parties, corporate events, Clubs engagements and videos. It listed his name and cell as his contact as my agent and then my email address Blinky36c@gmail as an alternate contact for bookings. Then it had a 2 minute “ad” for the other DVD “The Best of Blinky” with a montage of scenes and a message saying it was $19.95 from C-Cup productions. I loved them and thought the world of Russ for mixing and editing them. Well, Russ passed away from Cancer and I was left a widow with two daughters, one married and the other off in college. I use that email still and I was very surprised to get an email out of the blue asking me if I was available for a bachelor party in Statesboro, where my 19 year old is in college. Ricky, the guy who emailed me, said he had seen an audition DVD of me stripping and a highlights of my DVD and said a friend was getting married and they wanted to hire me as the stripper and to fuck them at the bachelor party. I was stunned and then excited. I had not done any swinging or group sex since before I married Russ and no sex since he died 2 yeas ago. I emailed back and told him I was interested and asked where he got the DVD. He emailed back that his friend Savannah had given it to him along with some other porn, most on VHS which he had not watched, but that he and his fraternity brothers loved the best of DVD and wanted hire me for the party. I quoted him a very high price to which he agreed. We agreed on a date and a location. It would be a Saturday night in the basement of the Frat house. The party size was limited to ten guys. I was so nervous. her I was, 40 years old and, about to strip naked and fuck a group of guys as a prostitute at a bachelor party. I got a new outfit, hit the tanning beds and two weeks later I was in a motel room in Statesboro getting ready to go to the Frat house. I had on a matching sheer lace bra and sheer lace panty set, a lace thong, thigh high stockings and a tight black dress. I had piled my hair on my head and gone heavy on the make up. I was greeted at the door by Ricky who offered me a drink and led me downstairs. I asked him what he thought of the DVD’s he had and he said he loved them, that he had watched them over and over. I asked where he bought the DVD and he said he got them from Savannah, a frat little sister who had been asked to do the bachelor party first, but had chickened out and had given him some of her Dad’s porn for the party. Well that explained how he got them, m daughter had given him the DVD’s not knowing they were of me. WE walked into the basement, which was set up as a bar and actually had a small stage set up on the far wall. There were more than 10 guys sitting around drinking and watching “The Best of Blinky” DVD on a 40 in TV. I got a round of applause as I was introduced. I told Ricky we had contracted for a max of Ten and if there were going to be 15, then the rate was 50% more. They passed a hat and took up the extra money. I handed Ricky a CD and told him to put it in the CD player and turn off the lights. I got up on the stage and waited for the music to come on. I danced and undressed to the songs over 5 numbers until all I had on were the stocking and was down on the floor and sat on a coffee table and spread my legs and played with my pussy in front of the groom. There were all standing around me or sitting around me with their cocks out when the song ended. I sat up and leaned forward and stood up, bent over the groom and took his cock in my mouth and began to give him head as I felt a cock press my lips, I looked over and say it was Rickey sliding his cock into me……I pushed back on him and went down on the groom…. Ricky came quickly and was replaced by another young cock…..I sucked the grooms cock until he filled my mouth with cum. I laid back on the coffee table and spread my legs as another cock got between my legs and another cock was in my face…. I was loving it and was on my 11th cock in my cunt when he asked if I would ride him cowgirl and when I was on top I felt someone behind me and pushing me down to the guy I was riding and I felt a cock at my ass….I opened my mouth to say no, and a cock was placed in my mouth as I felt a well lubricated cock slide up my ass….I was being totally used by 15 boys half my age, thanks to my daughter Savannah. I went back to the motel about 4 am and fell asleep and slept until noon when my phone rang and it was Savannah telling me she was on her way home because she and her boyfriend had a fight because he fucked a whore at a bachelor party the night before with his frat bothers and had been bragging about the hot milf he had nailed!

I did a strip and gang bang for my daughters college friends after she set it in motion, unknowingly...

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ive been married for 13 years we have 3 boys one is 12,5,and the other is 10 months old.we got married at a young age. when i was 16 he was 22.he has been cheating on me ever since we have been married and i never found out about it untill he told me about it.he told me that it was way more than once, he told me so many different women that i lost count.then he told that he was living with another women.i feel really bad because he would always give me different types of diseases and i thought i was the one to blame but i was confused because i have never cheated on him i have never slept with another guy.well i feel bad because he would always tell me that he cheating on me and i forgived him because he told me he would change he swore it to god and on his mother he would change but a few weeks ago he called two of the girls he used to be with and he asked me to forgive him.can anyone please tell me what to do?

ive been married for 13 years we have 3 boys one is 12,5,and the other is 10 months old.we got marri...

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At risk for eating disorder I am 5 ft 6, 21 years old, 140 lbs and I am at a high risk at developing an eating disorder. I'm technically in a healthy weight range, but I obsess about losing 10 lbs. I don't want an eating disorder but I don't know how to stop it. I feel like Jackal and Hyde--I fight against my negative body image and try to tell myself that I'm fine the way I am, but my Jackal monster is defeating me and making me hate mt appearance. I worry about guys finding me attractive, or rather not finding me attractive. I think the root of the issue is that I'm a 21 year old virgin. My ex-boyfriend and I were intimate and almost had sex, but he broke up with me the day after we discussed it. Maybe if I'm thin and beautiful, somebody will love me? I recognize how stupid and shallow that sounds, but it's a slippery slope that I can't get off.

At risk for eating disorder I am 5 ft 6, 21 years old, 140 lbs and I am at a high risk at developin...

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