i am a whole person as i am whatever good comes along is the icing but people from my past are not the cake! my love life is moving on to the not just the future but I love life now. being healthy is the most important thing. cuz having kids is not a guarantee of being loved in old age. I think I gave the men around this town plenty of chances and now I want to move on! i am not waiting around for things or men or friends. I have no control over finding the right man. I can only do certain things and so far the men I have met here have been awful. all the men I have met have been low grade and when I was at my best I met all the shit around. I knew the image of who I wanted to be but then I accepted others didn't share that or want that for me. and that doesn't mean I have to be around the losers and stupid men others have tried to through on me. I really do want to move from australia anyway and find someone with better values then most australians and someone who has diverse values that are not like all these old men who I find annoying or too young like unlucky llee/locked up lee where he belongs cuz I need someone better then him or old boring theodro, etc.

i don't know who was behind the whole thing with kelly walking all over me and the way she turned on me after I told anita to frapup and I had enough of the leso receptionist trying to man handle me with her crap and I could tell she and anita didn't like me. then this accountant mathew came over and was talking fresh all the time to a 8year old called steph anitas daughter and I thought it was a bit dirty to be honest. and wondered where thehell that was leading. leaving me confused. anita and phil and their creepy big brick house that had no egos in it - pull the other one! and I just felt a victim of mary and john and kelly and leanne and then maggiepies:) turned on me and I didn't like her gossipy put downs and the way kelly for a mongie thinks that she is the most super intelligent person around as if she can fligh a space craft and land it in her back yard or something. to be honest I felt someone was trying to push me out and I knew I would get hurt there. old mary and others were pushing kellies bandwagon to the hospital as a little helper of gordons full of trouble! she turned on me nasty just because I said after the book throwing incident,"I don't know how much more of all this abuse I can take in the choirs" and she was always like "you have to put your health first don't take the rapist to court you won't win think of your health forget about that doctor and lawyer you liked and the other guys you liked just think of your health" like what advice is that? when my love life is causing my health problems. as if she has it all together. mary the therapist didn't want me introducing male dates to my parents, like what is it to her? I have every right to and a friend said to me, if that is your rules for love you have every right to do that after the rape and stroke you have been through. and all this mary therpaist could say was how men need to chose independant slut whores like her and she walked around with a diet coke can the whole time and I thought -- wish you would piss off to ken and nick and let me get on with finding someone better, you go out with craig and ken and see how you like it you dumb self impressed stupid bitch! she really was so impressed with her self as so called professional and her little office like mirunda thunder bum was. yeh she was so indepanded and a young happy chic daddy bought her a office and school to work in and she knew nothing about real life, deprivation and how it feels to be left behind attacked or ignored.

i don't know who was behind the whole thing with kelly walking all over me and the way she turned on...

i am sick of the way people with degrees have jobs and fuck and have cars and houses and if they got...