I once had an evil thought to avalokitesvara bodhisattva

we are More than have been just friends holly I've been married 28 years and even though my husband and I still have s** fairly often I found myself masturbating frequently when he is away. He has a very good job but travels around the country and often overseas a few times a month, sometimes for a week or more. My two children are both married and both live quite a distance away. I go to the clubhouse and pool two or three days a week and became friendly with Neil. He is 69 years old but he has a great personality and is fun to be with. My husband knows him well also but has no knowledge of how my relationship with Neil has transpired. I still have a nice enough figure to wear a two peice bathing suit and still like how men look at me. It was just over a year ago the first time I let Neil give me a massage. The first half dozen times I was in my bathing suit but once I became comfortable with him touching my body he slowly talked me into removing my top. Then he suggested I only wear a towel and for some reason I had no embarrassment of him seeing me nude and massageing my entire body. Once the nude massages began it led to him masturbating me each time and I only reacted by having intense o******. I actually expected him to pursuade me to have s** with him but after awhile he confided in me that he was impotent. As is now he massages me about 8 or 10 times each month and I am totally at ease with the way he sees and touches me. He sees me naked more than my husband does and yet I feel no guilt by letting him not only massage but also m********* me. When my husband is home he not only sees Neil often but we actually go out to dinner together. I doubt my husband suspects anything because of Neils age and also his appearance since he is not a very handsome man. My husband seems to like him very much and sometimes suggests we have Neil come for dinner. I have offered to m********* Neil many times and have held his p****. He said he has tried v***** a few times but that has no effect ever since he had prostate cancer a few years ago. Even though he can't get an erection he still tells me how much he enjoys looking at me naked, touching my body and satisfying me.

we are More than have been just friends holly I've been married 28 years and even though my husband ...

. I love how comfortable you are with yourself and all of you friends. I like your friends. I like the way you are with my children. I like your fitness habits. I like your truck, I like that you are a mechanic but getting a tooth pulled caused a startling revelation last week, the dentist wanted to do an implant which he was going to charge right but things got edgy we just did it because it felt good and we were both experimenting our sexuality. I know I am not gay, but because of what I did, it makes me feel like I am. I can't seem to forgive myself and move on, I am stuck in the past, hating what I did and who I am. now I want something new.

. I love how comfortable you are with yourself and all of you friends. I like your friends. I like t...

IT IS WHAT I WANT IT TO BE I quit my job today I had a good job the truth is I wasn't happy I felt like I was over working myself in the hot sun doing too much everyone knows I'm a hard worker and I've proven it but it got to me how they wouldn't raise my rate up or move my position up. I was surrounded by a bunch of hate at work from bad vibes tons of people would try to bring me down out of everyone only 2 decided to help. Me and My gf just got our apartment. I'm going to school for survey engineering then civil engineering on the run. Lately I've felt like my depression and anxiety just grab a hold of me and get the best of me somehow and bring me down little by little I begin to loose myself and the person I am nobody understands that in reality I'm not happy when I could be doing what I love the most I'm an artist and everyone says I have talent I've had dreams where everything comes real back then I was scared to go for my dream now I don't see it a dream I see it a reality and something tells me To go chase it go after it I'm not scared shitless I'm calm as if things were to turn out alright. I wasn't happy at work my anger and frustration would burst there were plenty of times when my family picked up my emotions and all h*** would brake loose numerous number of times where I've been close to putting my hands on my gf all because of my anxiety and narcissistic ways. When people look at me they say they see me happy with my job my life together when in reality some say I need help because I let my anxiety levels eat me 'm sorry I was in love with you, I still love you. I know I cheated on you years ago, I was lik 15 or 16. I'm older now and I know what I did wrong. I grew up. I really am sorry. you stayed with me after that, I don't know why you changed. I'm a good person. And I haven't lied to you since. I was young and stupid, can't you see that? I'm a different and better person now. I still love you, you don't know how much I need you. I don't wanna live without you. don't get me wrong I'm not going to sit around and be lazy when I have bills to pay I'm already on the look out I used to think the world would eat me up alive at night my depression My friend broke up with the father of her child a few months ago but I stayed really good mates with him. I met up with him yesterday and took some photos of the baby around so he could see them. We spend near enough the whole day together and around eleven we were lying on the bed watching TV. I turned around to face him and he kissed me, which let's face it, surprised the f*** out of me. We didn't have s** but we did make out quite a bit and I did j*** him off for a little while. But we agreed it was just something that had happened and if it happened again then so be it. It's not like they're together any more but I still feel sort of guilty about the whole thing. But if we're on our own again it'll most likely happen again and I probably won't stop it next time. would choke me alive. My gf gets startled when I have huge panic attacks these past few weeks I've had them non stop it's difficult when at the end of the day the only Advice you get is the one that you don't want to hear and the only advice you see from yourself is just one that is real and you understand . No matter how many times you explain why your in pain there's not a reason , how Many times every tear fall or what's wrong there's nothing inside its just fear of nothing a fear of feeling fearful inside a fear of failing and a fear of not being ever understood the walls close on me sometimes but now all I have is a pocket and a dream here I come...I love sharing off and Jerking off to my Facebook friends There's nothing I love more than sharing some of my Facebook friends with other guys online and stroking ourselves to them ;)

IT IS WHAT I WANT IT TO BE I quit my job today I had a good job the truth is I wasn't happy I felt l...