TIGGER YARNING I'm almost 17, and May 19th this year was the date I was going to take my life. I had planned months in advance, and only two days before ended up telling my mum and doctors. So it isn't a secret. My secret is, I hate myself for telling them. I wish so much that I went through with it. The only reason I didn't was because I felt so much guilt and knew my family (mother and sister) in particular would never ever find peace in their life ever again. I keep trying to work out scenarios, where i write a really detailed suicide letter, plan my own funeral so they dont have to, not allow anybody to wear black, and have lots of happy songs and photos playing while people can reminisce and enjoy memories, I don't want to hurt anybody. I just feel so at peace with myself and my life. It sounds crazy to want to kill myself because finally things are pretty stable, but I just feel like I've always known I would die by my own choice, and I would take my own life. Thx for reading.
TIGGER YARNING I'm almost 17, and May 19th this year was the date I was going to take my life. I had planned months in advance, and only two days before ended up telling my mum and doctors. So it isn't a secret. My secret is, I hate myself for telling them. I wish so much that I went through with it. The only reason I didn't was because I felt so much guilt and knew my family (mother and sister) in particular would never ever find peace in their life ever again. I keep trying to work out scenarios, where i write a really detailed suicide letter, plan my own funeral so they dont have to, not allow anybody to wear black, and have lots of happy songs and photos playing while people can reminisce and enjoy memories, I don't want to hurt anybody. I just feel so at peace with myself and my life. It sounds crazy to want to kill myself because finally things are pretty stable, but I just feel like I've always known I would die by my own choice, and I would take my own life. Thx for reading.