its an illusion in your mind k. because we knew each other so shortly I spent all up about 3 a half days with you in total and I knew we were not suited for each other. you can't make a relationship out of 1 weekend and a day and half and 1 evening. I have not been reaching out for you you made it clear to me you had a wife and I couldn't wait for you get the hell out. what made you even think i would cry over you leaving? my god. you made it sound like you were doing me some favor getting me to hop on a plane and go to melborne cuz i never been on a plane before. yeh right. you were thinking of you. I never enjoyed the sex at all. I felt taken advantage of you gave me alcohol ontop of heavy medications and never asked me did I want kisses and romance from you in the car, I never wanted to get into that van with you after the party that was all leigh pushing for that not me. I don't know how to get the message clear to you I never loved you. you told me you would never leave your wife i never wanted you to leave her, I never wanted you. i didn't want to hook up with you in the van, yeh you offered to drive me home but then you didn't you sneaky gamered and got someone else to drive and got in the back with me, if I had known that was gonna happen I would have said "absolutely no way" I was drunk, I had drink on top of heavy medications, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want you. then when we met up at the hotel a few days later I thought we were going to look around the city no sex, you pushed and pressurised me to go to your room I thought you were going to introduce me to william but you didn't. you gave me alcohol once again ontop of heavy medications, you never asked me was I on medications or my mental health, you never asked me :"do you want sex?" I didn't want sex from you. then you couldn't wait to get rid of me when I collapsed afterwards, you pushed me out the door of a cab at a train station when someone should have rang an abulance for me. you then made a point of pursuing me for a number of months to cover your tracks with your mates helping you and you convinced me to go to melborne - once again I hoped you would introduce me to someone a single man, but you didn't, the sex was awful. I hated your semen in me, I hated the smell of you and your breath and then pushy sexual dominations of you. the first time you were violent I hated that. you turned sex into a dirty ball thing, I wanted to be with a man I got to know and date who would ask me out regularly for a few months before sex. then you and a few others tried to push frank on me and i couldnt do that. I had been on so many strong medications after you made me violently ill I didn't want to risk giving him a std, no one would listen in 2002 that you were just one big mistake, I tried to tell a few people. see it how you like but I never enjoyed it.I never loved you. you said you never loved me. and you know who I do love now, the doctor, a prince, a actor, a guy I seen in the city who was hot. I have a lot to give some nice man who is willing to treat me well. I might be a bit chubby but I can lose weight with sex with someone I do love. i can have a baby and lose weight. this is a waste of my time everyday I am forced into this empty lie hanging around waitinf for you to let go ! we are never gonna be anything k. move on. go back to watch ever it was that kept you happy all those years you never cared less then. just fuck off, I hope you find a super model young chck but its not me. I have no idea what makes ken think I am reaching out to him because I am not. I never loved ken carey.