sally was expecting me to get so excited over a cosmetic product launch night just cuz they get all pissed up on champagne dosn't mean I want to. someone has to remain sensable and responsible. how can I get excited over that when I have never been allowed to get excited about the normal things you have taken for granted like all your wedding days and babies sally? my therapist said, tell sally, you can't get excited cuz you have been so hurt, let down and not allowed to experience the enjoyable things you have. so how can you when people have taken those things away from you. and disappoint you so much, how can you get excited over something so meanial. and her disbelief that I said "no I dont want champagne or soda or orange juice, just water is fine!"

sally was expecting me to get so excited over a cosmetic product launch night just cuz they get all pissed up on champagne dosn't mean I want to. someone has to remain sensable and responsible. how can I get excited over that when I have never been allowed to get excited about the normal things you have taken for granted like all your wedding days and babies sally? my therapist said, tell sally, you can't get excited cuz you have been so hurt, let down and not allowed to experience the enjoyable things you have. so how can you when people have taken those things away from you. and disappoint you so much, how can you get excited over something so meanial. and her disbelief that I said "no I dont want champagne or soda or orange juice, just water is fine!"

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people have to understand that I did all that opus dei shit as a kid and young adult and at the age of 13 or 14 I even deliberately cut my clit to stop feeling horny from anger everytime that dirty foul pedo abused me and I hit myself over the head with a meat mallet when I kelly college would not give me my course , I mean I met business with this opus dei stuff as a kid and that was how we were bought up to think and I just don't believe in all the bullshit of it now. https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=1aO2LUAjiko that is why when that mongrel dog over at that dirty bayside family church started on me I told the nuns and a priest that they were trying to make me do things and were saying I had to do penance because penance to me ment self-mortification with physical pain and using things like needles and cilice barb wires to cut myself etc and living morbid without love and money and all kinds of things. I rejected sex for a long time and that was how I ended up raped because of joyce's abuse and other abuse and my doctor and the church have said I don't have to do penance and self-mortification. its a very offensive subject and I don't wish to talk about it to anyone. I just think all that shit is just out and out dangerous and mind-bending and occult like if used wrong. I am sick of smiling when I didn't want to for years and god has not graced me with much in return because I am sorry to say but there is no god as we understand it by church and the bible and there is no satan, there are no Jesus's and no hail mary's and no miracles and no saints on in the world. but there seems to be too many demons in the world now. and I just don't believe in any extreme churches anymore. so don't even try to bring up the topic.

people have to understand that I did all that opus dei shit as a kid and young adult and at the age ...

Pride Abuse Hate

my mother's father was in the order of the holy name and mum was in the order of the holy mary or some dam thing all these different factions in the catholic church but once those churches upset me I went straight to a priest who had been in rome and I was cranky over a lot of things but I just told him I was trying to deal with all my shit people had dumped on me. that is much the same at the convent and monastry, I don't feel I have to keep proving to them my faith but it ticks me off that they just have a rather blip like attitude. I was never sexually abused by preists or nuns my preditor was in the home and what I was taught to strive for which seemed to be self-denial of everything even life and joyce was was helping me or listening the whole time I paid her she never took a thing I said seriously enough. I can't believe I was reflecting that other then I never believed in my heart that any one cared about me or loved me much. I was picking up messges from people but peolple failed to help me at the right time as a teen when I needed the help. which has been my argument today and its just ticked me off that I always had to prove this faith or worthiness but could never find it for work or marriage or to have a baby and so many people just never understood the real me.

my mother's father was in the order of the holy name and mum was in the order of the holy mary or so...

I am goingto be a very very lonely old lady unlike my old bitch of a mother who has had a daughter to run after her while all she has ever done is tell me "no quality hot man is ever going to want a loser spastic dog like you" all the time. I think she is a selfish mental ill bitch who needs a kcik up her face with the self denial bullying she pushed on to me with her fucking catholic cunts cumsquat bitches, some they helped get married to single men others they didn't and none of us know their criteriea for who they helped and why they helped. no one from the church helped me find a proper husband or career. the church let down a lot of girls in my generation and this old witch bitch here with its finger up like a cock very very selfish woman expecting her daughter to give up her education and dreams of marriage and children and career and house of my own for this old tyrant slag that selfishly sleeps while I am stressed out all the time over if I will die and she used to say to me "I am glad I have made men think your a dyke"" what mother says that to their child? I have tried to get away from the old slag and everytime no one has believed me that she and my father have attacked me often. she was always telling me men would only rape me and dump on me and abuse me and treat me like I was her little dwarf size ! this spastic little woman that has abused me senseless. and I don't really want to her on any cruise I want to take a hot guy and I don't want to see ugly ken or anyone getting in my way or I will up and bash them I do weights and I have big chest to bash and intimidate see katy wouldnt take on bec because she was too fat and big she picked on me and she wouldn't want to now I crush her skull! these spastic selfish bullying self pitying mongrel cunt women and their cunt activity needing dick and cutting down others. katy should have been bashed back she should have been attacked back, ken should have been raped back by a bunch of gays, its not my fault his lazy wife can't satisfy his criminal sexual impulses and all the affairs he had before he met me the man is a loser spastic its as simple as that. bunnypoeta wanted to rape him with a stick up the ass! I hope he did.

I am goingto be a very very lonely old lady unlike my old bitch of a mother who has had a daughter t...

Pride Abuse Hate