like when I did a silly little half day on camera presenters course I tried to talk about my character in my childrens book, I wanted to get children and adults and most all myself to see that nothing is impossible so it was just a play on words , largely I was brought up in a very negative put down environment by other relatives etc, "oh don't get idea's you can be a somebody or do something valuable" and that hurt me deep down. the central childrens character in my book was to face his fear and "do what he does best" to be a possum with some magic in his eyes by the night moonlight. a bit silly I guess. I wanted to make a series on this and I worked on a few other books but I just couldn't put my heart into them last year at all. and I went taking photos instead and just more study, if I couldn't find an illustrator, I would do it myself . but I don't draw like I used to. I was expecting to be having a completely different set of goals and values by now, and I just dont understand why I am not married and why people don't like me and don't want me around, cuz I picked that up in the choirs and other places, its like I am never welcome much, and when I am its like a shock to me. the bullying does hurt because I was always so supportive of others but I found others were not genuinely supportive of me.