ken the rapist has tried this dirty mania "lovebombing" is as bad as a crazy terrorist, at me and anyone can see through it. other times he is just out and out bullying. if he wants me to be enjoying my life it means him removing himself away and not going on the sites i go on. i don't love him and never did love him and never could love him. he made it clear to me he didn't love me and he would never leave anne, his wife. I am not anne. i don't love ken and never felt a positve feeling about him. the whole time I was around him it was disgusting and he made me sick. what he has to understand is, I don't want him love. it means nothing to me. its not because i can't let in love, I want someone elses love. someone better suited to me. you can't rape a woman and go away for 17 years and make out your mad in love with her when you didn't even get me any medical treatment when I collapsed and needed medical help. if he really loved me nothing would stop him coming to my door every day and every night. i just couldn't love someone who was as dirty as him. it was not nice sex. it was awful, and now he wants to championship me, that is a joke coming from a criminal that he is and his defiant personality disorder he clearly has had all his life and all this stupid sick dirty rapeo champion lovebombing is all part of the abuse cycle I was told by a counsellor. that he will not change. he can promise he is a better man and he has changed but he has not changed and he will only get worse. he doesn't love you, the counsellor/lawyer said to me, and if he got with you he would commit domestic violence on you, it all about powerplay for him, the lovebombing is part of the cycle difiant disassociated reference schiztos do, the doctor said, he will never treat you right and you cant even compare the time with ken with other real men and by no means can it be a real romance in past or present or future tense. he is a rapist. he does this to many women. I don't feel less, I don't get there saying to myself "I don't feel like oh, if I had more self confidence I could believe a man like that could love me", a man like that? well what sort of man was he? he was fat, skinhead ugly, weird teeth, he stank, he was terrible at all sex acts infact it made me sick. he was just vomit, its not like he was good looking or caring, he had no warmth, he was a cold slab of cement personality. we had nothing in common at all. I never wanted a military man and I don't ever saw myself being with one. i can't relate to their way of thinking. they are taught to kill, they ambush lovers, and people don't like that. they don't get that because they are locked into a mind set that is about force and power. he was boring, controlling, I was not allowed to hum to music on the radio, I was not allowed to have a past or talk about my past before meeting him. he was a control freak loser. i was not allowed to talk about the death threats in the parcel. he actually thought i was crying when he left in melborne. when infact, i couldn't wait for him to leave so i could shower the smell of him off me. and i loathed his dirty slimely ugly stinky sperm. that made me want to puke. I hated this body odour and aftershave. I hated his skin and unshaken prickly face. I didn't like his personality. he was boring and dull. he was a knowall, thought he was teaching me something, and wanting me to believe he was helping me advance my confidence to get on a plane, as if he should care and as if it helped me? i mean if he wanted to be so helpful why wasn't he around when my mum had cancer and my sister was having shock treatment again and I had illness and injuries? the con job has gone too far. no one will believe this loser and retard. he couldn't even sexually give me what i needed, he didn't sexually turn me on. he was annoying, leigh m was the one who forced and pushed the whole thing and she is the bad person here. leigh had a duty of care to me, and she wronged me, like everyone else. it wouldn't matter what money ken had, what car or what he looked like, no married man with kids should ever rape a virgin and user her the way he used me. its so immoral. I liked frank way better I wish i had of met frank before rick and ken. but i was afraid i had hiv aids from the rape with dirty ken. I didn't get with frank due to kelly axis or something colleges not giving me my diploma. because if frank and i had got our diplomas and graduated together i would have been able to keep up with him, but the college let me down. then I met other guys i really liked, ken has to understand i want other men sexually. i want romance and affection from other men. i never wanted ken as a friend or as a sexual partner. i felt i deserved better then ken. i was single and pretty and i deserved my own fresh innocent lovely romance with someone amazing, it wouldn't worried me if i had got with a virgin male. i liked a lot of guys since and ken has to learn to let go so i can find the love I deserve, the life i deserve that does not include him in it! he gave me nothing but illness. I was afraid of him and i even thought the death threats came from him as a con game to make me afraid and then he was telling me to shut up about it and so was doret. then over time i thought about a lot of things being alone and not having work , its been frustrating as i have wanted to work and be married back decades ago. i wanted to be a mother and the film group and ken and joyce and doret were forcing their value systems on me that i didn't want. i wanted a love of my own that is not about ken or rick or anyone from my past who were so abusive and stupid. I had a standard and rick, russel and ken and a lot of men didn't live up to that standard. and i have never been allowed in the social circles to meet the men I want to met, stopped from having income and a career and friends, and that is not going to make me love ken any better. it just makes me worse. my parents are not going to ever like ken just like they don't like rick or russel. i would have gone out with a nice guy who was a servant or anything if he was a nice person and ken never was a nice person. i was pushed with him and I don't want to be pushed with someone like him ever again. i want to be with the men i like. i want to be around the men i like i want the body i want. i was thin and pretty i wanted a man who was the mirror image of me in 1999 and 2000-2005 or even in 1990. not the opposite. i am sick of weird men being pushed on me that i have nothing in common with. age differences too far apart and that just won't work. i want to be around people who value what i value. like what i like, it doesn't have to be in all things it just has to be in most things. i don't want to be around losers and criminals and uncoathe people anymore. that was never me in the first place!
ken the rapist has tried this dirty mania "lovebombing" is as bad as a crazy terrorist, at me and anyone can see through it. other times he is just out and out bullying. if he wants me to be enjoying my life it means him removing himself away and not going on the sites i go on. i don't love him and never did love him and never could love him. he made it clear to me he didn't love me and he would never leave anne, his wife. I am not anne. i don't love ken and never felt a positve feeling about him. the whole time I was around him it was disgusting and he made me sick. what he has to understand is, I don't want him love. it means nothing to me. its not because i can't let in love, I want someone elses love. someone better suited to me. you can't rape a woman and go away for 17 years and make out your mad in love with her when you didn't even get me any medical treatment when I collapsed and needed medical help. if he really loved me nothing would stop him coming to my door every day and every night. i just couldn't love someone who was as dirty as him. it was not nice sex. it was awful, and now he wants to championship me, that is a joke coming from a criminal that he is and his defiant personality disorder he clearly has had all his life and all this stupid sick dirty rapeo champion lovebombing is all part of the abuse cycle I was told by a counsellor. that he will not change. he can promise he is a better man and he has changed but he has not changed and he will only get worse. he doesn't love you, the counsellor/lawyer said to me, and if he got with you he would commit domestic violence on you, it all about powerplay for him, the lovebombing is part of the cycle difiant disassociated reference schiztos do, the doctor said, he will never treat you right and you cant even compare the time with ken with other real men and by no means can it be a real romance in past or present or future tense. he is a rapist. he does this to many women. I don't feel less, I don't get there saying to myself "I don't feel like oh, if I had more self confidence I could believe a man like that could love me", a man like that? well what sort of man was he? he was fat, skinhead ugly, weird teeth, he stank, he was terrible at all sex acts infact it made me sick. he was just vomit, its not like he was good looking or caring, he had no warmth, he was a cold slab of cement personality. we had nothing in common at all. I never wanted a military man and I don't ever saw myself being with one. i can't relate to their way of thinking. they are taught to kill, they ambush lovers, and people don't like that. they don't get that because they are locked into a mind set that is about force and power. he was boring, controlling, I was not allowed to hum to music on the radio, I was not allowed to have a past or talk about my past before meeting him. he was a control freak loser. i was not allowed to talk about the death threats in the parcel. he actually thought i was crying when he left in melborne. when infact, i couldn't wait for him to leave so i could shower the smell of him off me. and i loathed his dirty slimely ugly stinky sperm. that made me want to puke. I hated this body odour and aftershave. I hated his skin and unshaken prickly face. I didn't like his personality. he was boring and dull. he was a knowall, thought he was teaching me something, and wanting me to believe he was helping me advance my confidence to get on a plane, as if he should care and as if it helped me? i mean if he wanted to be so helpful why wasn't he around when my mum had cancer and my sister was having shock treatment again and I had illness and injuries? the con job has gone too far. no one will believe this loser and retard. he couldn't even sexually give me what i needed, he didn't sexually turn me on. he was annoying, leigh m was the one who forced and pushed the whole thing and she is the bad person here. leigh had a duty of care to me, and she wronged me, like everyone else. it wouldn't matter what money ken had, what car or what he looked like, no married man with kids should ever rape a virgin and user her the way he used me. its so immoral. I liked frank way better I wish i had of met frank before rick and ken. but i was afraid i had hiv aids from the rape with dirty ken. I didn't get with frank due to kelly axis or something colleges not giving me my diploma. because if frank and i had got our diplomas and graduated together i would have been able to keep up with him, but the college let me down. then I met other guys i really liked, ken has to understand i want other men sexually. i want romance and affection from other men. i never wanted ken as a friend or as a sexual partner. i felt i deserved better then ken. i was single and pretty and i deserved my own fresh innocent lovely romance with someone amazing, it wouldn't worried me if i had got with a virgin male. i liked a lot of guys since and ken has to learn to let go so i can find the love I deserve, the life i deserve that does not include him in it! he gave me nothing but illness. I was afraid of him and i even thought the death threats came from him as a con game to make me afraid and then he was telling me to shut up about it and so was doret. then over time i thought about a lot of things being alone and not having work , its been frustrating as i have wanted to work and be married back decades ago. i wanted to be a mother and the film group and ken and joyce and doret were forcing their value systems on me that i didn't want. i wanted a love of my own that is not about ken or rick or anyone from my past who were so abusive and stupid. I had a standard and rick, russel and ken and a lot of men didn't live up to that standard. and i have never been allowed in the social circles to meet the men I want to met, stopped from having income and a career and friends, and that is not going to make me love ken any better. it just makes me worse. my parents are not going to ever like ken just like they don't like rick or russel. i would have gone out with a nice guy who was a servant or anything if he was a nice person and ken never was a nice person. i was pushed with him and I don't want to be pushed with someone like him ever again. i want to be with the men i like. i want to be around the men i like i want the body i want. i was thin and pretty i wanted a man who was the mirror image of me in 1999 and 2000-2005 or even in 1990. not the opposite. i am sick of weird men being pushed on me that i have nothing in common with. age differences too far apart and that just won't work. i want to be around people who value what i value. like what i like, it doesn't have to be in all things it just has to be in most things. i don't want to be around losers and criminals and uncoathe people anymore. that was never me in the first place!