🔥 i4giveu

Plans falling apart For once I was actually looking forward to something. A month ago I heard about this big expo that was coming to town this weekend. I was actually really hyped and stayed hyped all month while waiting ? Which is rare for me to actually stay motivated or excited for something. And ! A month ago I let my siblings know about it so they could plan ahead if they wanted to come too. Fast forward to now. Oldest brother says he might not even show up tomorrow depending how tired he feels. Month ago he had told me he had requested this weekend off from work. Amazing. I can't help but make it about him not wanting to see or hang out with me even though I know that's just me being paranoid. Also at the same time today I didnt do something that my sister wanted me too for her, so now she's upset and making me feel like shit by really digging into sore subjects and my paranoid worries. My motivation is melting away. I feel sick. I dont even want to go tomorrow. It was a dumb idea anyway. God forbid I look forward to something and expect it to turn out. I dont even have friends to rant to. Well I have one. But I don't want to bother them,, they're the only one I have that still seems to kind of care on a daily basis. So I'm ranting on some dumb website. Pathetic.

AbuseHate
Plans falling apart For once I was actually looking forward to something. A month ago I heard about this big expo that was coming to town this weekend. I was actually really hyped and stayed hyped all month while waiting ? Which is rare for me to actually stay motivated or excited for something. And ! A month ago I let my siblings know about it so they could plan ahead if they wanted to come too. Fast forward to now. Oldest brother says he might not even show up tomorrow depending how tired he feels. Month ago he had told me he had requested this weekend off from work. Amazing. I can't help but make it about him not wanting to see or hang out with me even though I know that's just me being paranoid. Also at the same time today I didnt do something that my sister wanted me too for her, so now she's upset and making me feel like shit by really digging into sore subjects and my paranoid worries. My motivation is melting away. I feel sick. I dont even want to go tomorrow. It was a dumb idea anyway. God forbid I look forward to something and expect it to turn out. I dont even have friends to rant to. Well I have one. But I don't want to bother them,, they're the only one I have that still seems to kind of care on a daily basis. So I'm ranting on some dumb website. Pathetic.
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so I defiantly went out today and bought some pink jeans and you make me fat one more time I am going to up and bloody murder a whole group of people starting with in my own house. I am sick of being everyones fat dog joke that can't find a husband when a nurse said to me the other day- from everything you have told me you been through with illness and rape and child sexual abuse for all those years and all your mother can do is expect you to sleep her bed clean her house have no friends or man, live like some pig and your father couldn't even been bothere to protect you from a pedo or these bashers, you been this pillar of strength for everyone around you and what about you? your 45 no kids, no husband, no job, no car no house never had a real boyfriend even fat shamed then thin shamed accused of being a gym junkie for 2 x a week light gentle exercise is not a ocd, and she said "you are a great person and don't like any one not any person convince you are shit and deserve to be abused or all this negative shit of joyce or rick or katy or ken or relatives, you're the one who has self sacrificed over and over watching and help people around you get dates and love and babies and when your sick who is there to help you? who is there to care for you when all your life you cared for others too dam much! your the one up worried about bills while your mother and father sleeps like a lamb" they aren't worried about who will care for them and when they are gone are they gonna care for you? you have to be selfish and make it clear to people you deserve a husband and a baby and get out of your way you mean business" and just attck them, bash them if you have to. these people abused you bashed you for no reason. they are to blame they should be made to fix the problem. " I never fucked up anyones like, I never went out of my way to ruin anyones like, sure I might have got angry and hurt and I am even more so today. my needs are not listened to and the nurse said I have to make people- so I will I will threated to murder and attack people if I have to. people did it to me so do it back!

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