I hate sunrises I remember thinking I was going to die like my head would explode and everything swimming in my eyes and heart slowing down and coming in as sick as hell via ambulance into hospital and crying seeing the walls of the hospital still upset me. I cant bare to see a sunrise now.

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heart and chest pain this morning and everytime I plan a nice day out something goes wrong even if its agonising server period cramps I wanted to vomit a few times and had diarrhea a few times and bum bleeds and migranines last week. I can't relax, I study from 4am some mornings if I can't sleep and I won't know how to relax anyway. there is always something to worry about. and my depression which is on going and panic and hating the world and all the years of my life I have been hated and abused, kicked up the bum all my life for doing nothing wrong. joyce should learn not talk so violent and use such violent words around women. men need the bashings up and kicks in bum but to me women deserve kicks in the face, and you see all these young slutty dogs their selfishness and selfish breeding and selfish love mongering when they are ugly hopeless useless lazy and boring women who are so stereotyped they make me laugh when they get with their sprogs and breeding cow whore mothers clubs and doctors sniffing their asses and hanging out their tongues like a mongrel pup for all these special special doggiestylers and their mongrel offspring who should be all euthanised. these women are so selfish. they truely do believe that only they exist and only they have needs and everyone else doesn't really matter because they don't have jobs or degrees or kids or husbands or are thin or fat or too pretty or too whatever, unless you fit into the "mummy uniform and mummy hours and mummy horseplay and sprog dropping selfish mongrel ginnies, ginny whores on heels and cars and so generic and they look the same they sound the same they posture the same they power play the same annoying uselss way. if only they really knew their true uselessness to society !!!" anyway the movie and cinemas was shit as usual, all the movies are shit.

heart and chest pain this morning and everytime I plan a nice day out something goes wrong even if i...

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I have been trialing different diets - fruit shakes, veg shakes, processed diet milk shakes from chemist (which a lot of nutritionalists are against them - because they are not a long term alternative they are only short term, if you drank a diet shake or any shake everyday at lunch you would end up ill. balance and moderation is important. I watched the Reasonable diet and liked that. I tried for the last 7 weeks to some days I will eat 2 bowls of fruit at lunch. and I don't believe the natural sugars are bad for you. in fruit I will eat papaya to heap period problems and its a great healer internally and externally, no fruit is going to be really bad unless you have a significant illness, because the truth is your brain does need sugar to work right. I eat salads and sometimes I do fall off the wagon and sneak in some chocolate or cake or a macaron or cheese cake or cheese, but to be honest most things are healthy eggs are healthy and milk and veg and some carbs, meat etc. I am not vegan and I don't ever want to be. I like the Reasonable Diet concept. and if they are not saying butter and bacon is ok for us I think eventually its gonna call come around where people will be saying sugar was not the all evil either, I remember in the late 70s and early 80s everything was about calories and kilojoules of sugar and fat, then it was all just fat, and studies showed kids on sugar breakfasts minds were quicker at school, proteins were good for breakfast or any time. but I am sick of all the lies. people are overweight for other reasons then just food intake alone, unemployment and lack of social connections are making people lazy and isolated and affraid. I think there are more frankenfoods around and toxins and vapors put in air and over use of nuts is not good for the liver too, and the whole weight issue is about emotional pain and illness, inflammation and swelling from viruses and bacteria and gut issues and medications. and the laziness and complacientcy and general deliberate jealousy dumbing down of the average patient that doctors are doing has a lot to do with weight issues. my mother was not a size 20 before they started on her as pre-diabetic or BP and other issues like thyroid, doctors today are lazy and jealous of there patients and it shows in the way they talk to you. a few are really good and tell you the truth but a lot of pathology is not recorded properly i reckon, I never believe much of what they tell me anyway. I have been told I am neurotic hypercondriac, I don't care. call me the synical non-believer, the pesimist and the doubting thomas but like I just no longer trust everything doctors and pathology say. how can I prove they are lying. they know anything upsets me. they know I am easily offended and it doesn't take much to get me off side. people know I dont want to hear stuff and I only want to hear what I want to hear and so far not many people have done what I want or speak how I want them to speak to me. I don't want to be told I am sick but I don't want to be lied to,, i am sick of this non-sense with doctors and if there is something wrong and they haven't told me and this is why I feel worse then they say I am then I can sue the overpaid selfish mongrel bastards.

I have been trialing different diets - fruit shakes, veg shakes, processed diet milk shakes from che...

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