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Past resurfaced My hubbie and I have been married for 18 years. I'm 40 he is 39. When we got married we eloped to California. We didn't have much money and the job Jay had lined up out there fell through. In an attempt to make some money I answered an ad for an adult lingerie model. Jay was less than happy, but who would see these pics? They were going to be for a European magazine. (Back then no one knew that all this stuff would end up on the internet.) I went to the interview and they offered me $75 to pose in lingerie, but they would bonus me based on what more I was willing to do. At first I took my top off for an extra $50 and then I did full nude for an extra $100. I left with $125 after the agency took their cut. They invited me back in a week to make a video. They said all I would have to do is a strip tease. They said there would be at least 20 girls on the tape and it was also being sold exclusively in Europe. Jay was totally against it. But we were living in a pay by the week motel. California is really expensive and Jay was barely making any money with day labor and stocking shelves at night. I was making a little more waitressing at a breakfast place. We talked about it and agreed that for the $600, we could move back home. Jay said he wanted to be there when they make the video. I called the agency and said I would do it, but my husband wanted to come. I was told no way, they don't allow any outsiders at the filmings, especially boyfriends and husbands. Jay said, he didn't want me to do it then. We had a huge fight, because after 6 months of being nearly homeless I was at my wits end. But I didn't go. About two more months passed and things got worse. Finally I told Jay that I was going to do what I had to, so that we could get out of this situation. Jay agreed, so I called the agency back again. They told me they had a slightly different opportunity that paid, $1500! After the agency got their cut I would walk away with $900 cash. They invited me in to discuss the 'project'. When I got there I was in a room with another woman and a man, the producer and the camera man. The producer said, this pay $1500 for sex with her and pointed to the woman standing there and and extra $500 if you fuck him too. That's $2000 minus your agency fees. I protested, that I am married. The producer said, "I don't have time for this." "Just go" I said "No, no, I've never been with a woman before, but I'll do it just with her." Satisfied the producer said let's get started. Her name was Elisa and she had obviously done this before. We sat on a couch and made out. It was nothing like sex at all. The producer choreographed each step, telling us what to do next. Before I knew it we were naked and giving each other oral sex. The truth is, it turned me on being filmed. Then the producer directed us to go to the bed in the room and for the man to join in. I started to argue that I did not agree, but the producer cut me off, "If you want to waste my time, just go, you're costing me money." I went over to the bed and finished the making the movie. I had sex with both of them and then another solo sex scene with just just the guy, 'Kirk'. After the agency took their cut, I went home with $1150 to a furious husband that I had to confess to. Maybe I should have lied, but I think what upset him most was that I admitted I orgasmed more than once and it turns me on to know I'm in a movie. It was a point of contention for several years and resulted in a marriage counselor. Fast forward all these years. Jays friend Greg, a perpetual bachelor and player. Shows Jay a video he found on a website (X Hamster sp?). Tells Jay, look at this video, it looks Mille your wife. Of course, possed off, Jay later shows it to me and lays in to me on how he is going to have to lie to his friends forever, about that movie. Jay went on to get angrier and tell me, now that he has seen it, he cant get rid of the image of another man fucking me burned in to his mind. Jay won't let it go, but he also wants to have sex all the time now. I'm not really sure I understand this, but I feel like he is afraid to admit that he actually likes the movie and it turns him on. I fear we will be back at the marriage counselor again.

AdulteryHackingStealing
Past resurfaced My hubbie and I have been married for 18 years. I'm 40 he is 39. When we got married we eloped to California. We didn't have much money and the job Jay had lined up out there fell through. In an attempt to make some money I answered an ad for an adult lingerie model. Jay was less than happy, but who would see these pics? They were going to be for a European magazine. (Back then no one knew that all this stuff would end up on the internet.) I went to the interview and they offered me $75 to pose in lingerie, but they would bonus me based on what more I was willing to do. At first I took my top off for an extra $50 and then I did full nude for an extra $100. I left with $125 after the agency took their cut. They invited me back in a week to make a video. They said all I would have to do is a strip tease. They said there would be at least 20 girls on the tape and it was also being sold exclusively in Europe. Jay was totally against it. But we were living in a pay by the week motel. California is really expensive and Jay was barely making any money with day labor and stocking shelves at night. I was making a little more waitressing at a breakfast place. We talked about it and agreed that for the $600, we could move back home. Jay said he wanted to be there when they make the video. I called the agency and said I would do it, but my husband wanted to come. I was told no way, they don't allow any outsiders at the filmings, especially boyfriends and husbands. Jay said, he didn't want me to do it then. We had a huge fight, because after 6 months of being nearly homeless I was at my wits end. But I didn't go. About two more months passed and things got worse. Finally I told Jay that I was going to do what I had to, so that we could get out of this situation. Jay agreed, so I called the agency back again. They told me they had a slightly different opportunity that paid, $1500! After the agency got their cut I would walk away with $900 cash. They invited me in to discuss the 'project'. When I got there I was in a room with another woman and a man, the producer and the camera man. The producer said, this pay $1500 for sex with her and pointed to the woman standing there and and extra $500 if you fuck him too. That's $2000 minus your agency fees. I protested, that I am married. The producer said, "I don't have time for this." "Just go" I said "No, no, I've never been with a woman before, but I'll do it just with her." Satisfied the producer said let's get started. Her name was Elisa and she had obviously done this before. We sat on a couch and made out. It was nothing like sex at all. The producer choreographed each step, telling us what to do next. Before I knew it we were naked and giving each other oral sex. The truth is, it turned me on being filmed. Then the producer directed us to go to the bed in the room and for the man to join in. I started to argue that I did not agree, but the producer cut me off, "If you want to waste my time, just go, you're costing me money." I went over to the bed and finished the making the movie. I had sex with both of them and then another solo sex scene with just just the guy, 'Kirk'. After the agency took their cut, I went home with $1150 to a furious husband that I had to confess to. Maybe I should have lied, but I think what upset him most was that I admitted I orgasmed more than once and it turns me on to know I'm in a movie. It was a point of contention for several years and resulted in a marriage counselor. Fast forward all these years. Jays friend Greg, a perpetual bachelor and player. Shows Jay a video he found on a website (X Hamster sp?). Tells Jay, look at this video, it looks Mille your wife. Of course, possed off, Jay later shows it to me and lays in to me on how he is going to have to lie to his friends forever, about that movie. Jay went on to get angrier and tell me, now that he has seen it, he cant get rid of the image of another man fucking me burned in to his mind. Jay won't let it go, but he also wants to have sex all the time now. I'm not really sure I understand this, but I feel like he is afraid to admit that he actually likes the movie and it turns him on. I fear we will be back at the marriage counselor again.
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I've Been Keeping a Secret For 44 Years Iā€™ve been keeping for 44 years. Lately itā€™s been bothering me and this is my first step in letting this secret be known. Iā€™m a 49 year old male and Iā€™ve never told another living soul what Iā€™m about to write. Today I also plan to tell my wife. When I was five years old (1966), I was in the hospital for a hernia operation. That first night in the hospital room I was given an injection which made me very weak and almost paralyzed. Later a man entered the room and raped me. This rape was violent enough that he ripped my a*** and bloodied my nose when he forced my face into the bed. The memories of this are still crystal clear in my mind. After he raped me, he held me forcefully by the back of my neck and put his lips to my ear and told me that if I ever told anyone he would have to kill my mother and father. Then he asked me if I wanted them to die, of course I didnā€™t. He left me and sometime later, I regained enough strength to crawl far enough up on the bed to press a button to call a nurse. When the nurse didnā€™t come I kept pressing and pressing it until she did. When she eventually came into the room, from her reaction I could tell she was shocked by what she saw. She left and brought other nurses. My hands and pillow were covered in blood. One nurse kept asking ā€œwho did this to you?, who did this to you?ā€, but of course I didnā€™t know, I never even saw his face. They washed me and changed the sheets on the bed. They spent a lot of time washing me and examining my backside. Nothing was ever said to my parents. While I honestly didnā€™t understand what had happened to me at the time, I knew it was something bad, I followed the instructions of the rapist and I never told my parents. I think back and wonder why the nurses, as adults, didnā€™t tell my parents. Did they fear losing their jobs? Did they fear a lawsuit? I suppose Iā€™ll never know. The surgery the next morning went as scheduled. The pain of the torn a*** was far greater than that of the hernia operation and I couldnā€™t sit without a lot of pain for weeks afterward but I still never said a word. When I was well enough to play outdoors I can remember the physical pain as a result of the rape lasted far longer than that of the operation. As I got older I fully understood what happened to me that night. I still never told anyone because I was too embarrassed. No young male wants to tell people the time he was anally raped. Then when I became an adult I still never told anyone, I just never had a reason to talk about it and I suppose I didn't want to burden others with my misfortune. Sometimes, I still have nightmares of being held by the back of the neck by the rapist and I hear him telling me he would have to kill my parents if I tell anyone. Here it is 44 years later and Iā€™m still reliving that night. Today, I took the afternoon off from work because it was a beautiful day and as I drove home from work, I found myself thinking about that night with tears streaming down my cheeks. I suddenly realized that 44 years later Iā€™ve still been following the instructions of the rapist. Well it's time to stop, seconds from now when I press the confess button and post this story, Iā€™m not following his instructions anymore.

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One night She was ruined by the many. The lack of love. The use and abuse. The forgotten one, so easily thrown away like a used prophylactic. Looking for affection and coming up short. S** becomes loveless. One night stands though she wants so much more. But thatā€™s as long as they want her. This is something she canā€™t change. Just like she couldnā€™t change the fact her father never wanted her. Or the way she will never be able to change the disdain her stepdad held for all those years after the one night she tries so hard to repress from when she was six. Turning to all the wrong places. Trying to escape. They created a floozy. A junkie. And they blame her and her alone. She began her journey into adulthood innocent. Unexperienced. She had only ever kissed the lips of the single boyfriend sheā€™d had, who was now the reason for her pain. He gave her a glimpse of this thing she was so curious of, then tore it out from under her after no time at all. Reason number two came flying in on his white horse. She had never felt this before. The things he said, she had never heard aimed her way before. After one passionate night, he began to withdraw. More and more were her desperate attempts of communication ignored. Until she realized she had been dooped. You think by now she would have learnt. Number three was a surprise. A new acquaintances, sharing a moment in time over the sweet scent of smoked herbs. A kiss. A touch. And that was that. She didnā€™t want more, only friendship. To not be forgotten. Once again, the sting of silence bit her hard. Four was only slightly different. She reached a point of such frustration she gave herself up to a man she had no intention for. The first one to ask. With intentions clear from the beginning, they were there for s**, and s** alone. His cold shoulder hurt as much just as the others. His constant words of friendship and understanding disappeared and were replaced by momentary conversations, offcourse only when he wanted something from her. She was beginning to understand. After one night she was she useless, a waste of time and space in their eyes. Tossed aside and forgotten was a scenario all too familiar. This realization left her numb. Rhys felt different. But she knew better than to let her hopes rise higher than reality. They f*****. He kissed her goodbye. She let herself hope for something more, even if all that meant was a second night of pure intercourse. His disregard penetrated her heavy heart, sending her over the edge to a place of no return. S** has lost all meaning. Men want nothing but one night of pleasure. All men. She feels like a ruined woman at the age of eighteen. A loveless and unlovable fool. Used and unwanted. She rids her life of the people who treat her less than she deserves, knowing she will be alone forever. Knowing she will have to find affection in any place she can. Sheā€™s always loved the sensation drugs give her. But now they feel like they may be able to replace the lack of affection. Like they may be able to take away the sting of rejection. Who knows where this will take her. WHY AM I ONLY GOOD FOR ONE NIGHT?

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I once slept with 3 girls in one day! I once slept with 3 girls in one day! The worst thing was the last two were just booty calls so i had a*** s** with the second one and then when the third came around i made her give me head. I hadn't even showered or cleaned up. In a way I enjoyed this, but I feel kinda bad.

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