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I had took advantage of my gay best friend when he

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I had took advantage of my gay best friend when he was completely drunk because I had always had feelings for him. It turns out now that i'm 5 weeks pregnant and still haven't been able to tell him.
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I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But loo...

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I like this guy, he's not cute, but he is... If that makes sense. His personality is cute, not the outside though (well i think it is, but in the one who likes him) he's considerably shorter than me. But what I'm ranting about is the fact that my friends are like horrible about him, like saying he's scrawny, ugly and weird. He is a little strange, ill give them that, but i cant tell the tha lt he's my crush cuz they'll probably disown me, like they did with my first boyfriend. But they knew he was a dick, and i didn't. Anyway that's a different rant. So I'm the person who is like all alone on this crush thing, cuz i cant tell nobody. Not even my mum, cuz she's like one of those mums that will pester you until you ask them out. I'm the only one who knows my secret, and its kinda crappy. BUT HE'S ADORABLE! AND HE ALWAYS LOOKS ME IN THE EYES WHEN SPEAKING TO ME! AHH, but i know he don't like me, cuz in art, he was sat next to me and was talking to his mate, saying "should i ask her out?" like fuck would he say that if it was me...

I like this guy, he's not cute, but he is... If that makes sense. His personality is cute, not the o...

LoveViolenceGay

I don't want to fit in with people or others. so?!!!

I don't want to fit in with people or others. so?!!!

AdulteryPrideMurderLoveLieAbuseHateViolenceGayHackingStealingMarriageBlasphemySex