I've been raped by my father, but I love him

Hello, When I was 10 years old, my father came to my room on one of those hot summer nights, while mom was away visiting relatives, I was laying on bed reading a story, when he entered the room wearing his boxer shorts, the one which has an opening in the front, his 'Thing" was out of that opening, and it was throbbing. As soon i as saw him, I closed my eyes, i thought he didn't notice his 'Thing" was out, but he came next to my bed, then he laid himself next to me, and start rubbing my body and between my thights. I tried to scream, but he put his palm over my mouth, and asked me not to, I was really terrified, so i kept quite, he kissed me on mouth and put his tounge inside my mouth, i felt disgusted, but couldn't ressist, he start to squeeze my tiny breasts, the he asked me to undress and lay on my back and open up my legs, i did, he told me that he's going to teach me how feel happy and exited, he jumped over me and inserted his 'Thing" inside me, it hurted me alot. I do still remember the bleeding that happened down there between my legs, and the pain i was going through. then there was a mommnet when he started to moan and shiver, and then he moved and lay himself next to me, warning me not to tell anybody about what happened, or he might be angry. But that was not the only incident, he kept coming to my bed every once in a while, and for years later. The strange thing was that I started to like what he was doing to me, and I even started to become sad when he spend some nights with mom, especially when i hear thier voices in thier bedroom doing it. I opened this subject with him once, he smiled, and told me not to be jelous, and that he love his "princess", this was the name he always used to call me. Now, i'm 19 y/o and moved from my folk's home after joining college, but I miss those days, and when I visit dad in thanksgiving or christmas, I spend the whole eveining whith him, but we stopped doing it anymore.