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i lied

LoveLieLose of faithDidnt forgiveHateFight
i lied to everyone at my old school i siad i was adopted i said that i was born in another state just to be popular but then i met a AWSOME guy who only liked me for my lies
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When I was high I use to steal alot from Walmart where I worked to pay for my addiction. I use to steal from my mothers purse when I use to visit and stole her credit card once to pay buy things for my dealer for my addiction. I blackmaled my sister susan to give me money 3 times or I would tell her husband Bill she had cheated on him. I broke in to my mothers neigbors house and stole a watch and necklace then pawned it for my addiction. I stole Karen Thomas's (best friend) new iPhone and gave it to my dealer for my addiction. I then blamed it on Karen's other friend Melissa. I pushed oral sex three different times on Dr. Ian Shtulman around his office ( shtultman family chiropractic ) just so I could extorted him for money by telling his wife Sasha who was pregnant at the time. I slashed the tires of my ex Brian's car because he refused to give me more money for my addiction. I took my boyfriend's father's (Paul) gun out of his car then used it to rob 2 trap houses for my addiction. I use to shoplift about every store I entered for items my dealer wanted for my addiction. Forgive me and I am not the same person now and regret all I have done to hurt others close to me. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

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I can't take it anymore. I see myself, I hear myself and all I can see and hear is failure. I look in the mirror and I see a skinny, scrawny, weak and pathetic excuse of a man who even though tries his best to look good cannot manage to look like a real man. I love to talk but I hate my voice, its scratchy and whiny, its weak and not worthy to be heard. I cannot bare the feeling that I'm not worthy of love. I try and I try but have never managed to be in a serious relationship because all I can feel is that the woman that I'm with is worthy of someone better than me. I hate hating myself. I wish I can accept my flaws and the fact I don't look like a fitness model, don't have the voice of a radio host, don't have the confidence of a real man, and worthy of love. Why do I hate so much things about myself? Why do I insist in comparing myself to others? Why do I feel that I'm not worry? Why do I feel like an incompetent and failure in love?

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