Somtimes, I don't realy want to meet with my friend, so

my life has just completely fallen from under me. I always used to have fun with life and sports and school, but now I just dont see any reason to go anymore. I have no social life. I quit the one sport I was good at because I couldn't stand my dad pushing me in it anymore to pursue the sport that I actually like but ultimately failed there too. And my grades are absolute shit now. No one in my family cares about me anymore. My mom hates and has kicked me out of the house several times along with my dad. My brothers just think Im weak and being a pussy, while my sister is off in god knows what country. My girlfriend broke up with me last month because of the deep depression I've slowly slipped into and I frankly don't blame her. I lash out at anyone who even talks to me anymore and its all because of my own fucking family. I have no friends, family, or anything who cares about me anymore including myself.

my life has just completely fallen from under me. I always used to have fun with life and sports and...

I like to sniff books in the library but I'll never take one out cause I might never read it. I like to sit near windows so I can gaze out of them for hours, dreaming of somewhere far away. I like freezing my chocolate before eating it. I like sitting in a hot car during snow storms. I like fixing grammar mistakes in my friends' texts, although I'm terrible at grammar. I like hearing other's secrets but I'll never tell a soul about them. I like to read romantic tragedies where lovers can't be together. I like the idea of love but I can't find myself falling head over heals for anyone. I like being awake at dawn, but I'm always to cold to get out of bed. I like the smell of herbs when they're being cooked. I like that tight feeling in my chest I get when I'm sad. I like teasing my crush, it's something only I can do. I like getting attention from my mom, because I know she'll always love me. I like to draw but afraid to show others, because I feel like I'm just a faker. I like to pitch but afraid I'll crush my sister's dreams by doing so. I like to write and I get good reviews but I can't tell anyone because my sister's the family writer. I like my cousins but I like the younger one better because I pretty much helped raise him. I like my step-dad but he stole my mother. I like my friends even if they talk behind my back, I forgive them. I like laying down on a cement basketball court in the middle of the night and staring at the stars, wondering how old they are and who will watch them after me. I like the idea of being nothing less nor greater then the sand in the desert, after all we'll be it someday too. I like playing hide'n'seek because I'm good and get to scare my friends. I like hiding in bright places to read, it makes me feel like I'm in another's life. I like reading at the beach to seem older and like the girls in movies. I like dresses even if I do look fat in them. I like teddy bears, because they protect me from the monsters that lurk in the dark, my little knights in shining armor. I like my soda flat sometimes, fizzle is over-rated anyways. I like raw potatoes, who cares? I like wearing sunglasses, it makes me seem more mysterious when someone can't see my eyes. I like watching people and wondering what they're thinking, after all they're just like me and have problems. I like me, even though I mess up, even though my life isn't the best, it isn't the worst, even if the boy I like loves someone else, even if sometimes I'm pushed down, even if I'm held back, even if I'm exhausted and want to call "Quits". Because even though in the end I'll be dust...I'll still have stories, I can do anything and nothing can hold me down. I can meet a million people, or just one. I can have a HUGE family with twenty kids or just spoil my one child. I like me because I can realize my mistakes and move on. I like me because I can look over my shoulder to my past and smile even if it's an ugly blob, and it's because it's an ugly blob that I'm able to laugh at it. So who cares if this isn't really a confession? Who are you to say it's not and who am I to say it is?

I like to sniff books in the library but I'll never take one out cause I might never read it. I like...

a few years back i was fooling around with my gay lover reinhold. we mixed a batch of concrete and i reclined on the table with my feet up on the wall. reinhold then placed a funnel in my rectum and poured in the mixture.

a few years back i was fooling around with my gay lover reinhold. we mixed a batch of concrete and i...