Degeneración....

i am getting sick of having to be perfect and everyone else is allowed to make mistakes and glaring mountain mistakes not just little ones, but i am not allowed a day of spitting the dummy and say "well bugger you i have had enough you spaz, grow up!"

i am getting sick of having to be perfect and everyone else is allowed to make mistakes and glaring ...

people at support group don't understand why I don't want to go night clubbing right now. I am tired, sore and in pain and worry. I like going to bed at 6pm and reading or having one of my cats cuddled up with me. I prefer more cultural stylish entertainment, I don't watch tv and doing courses is entertainment to me. i exercise and try to eat carefully. I like to enjoy a restful holiday over rowdy noise. I don't understand why people don't get it we all change with age. I am now 46 still childless and no husband or boyfriend and given up, I rarely look in the mirror or only to see if i am working the weights at exercise right. I don't care about looks anymore, just feeling fit. I like massages and facials and relax time over nightclubbing I gave up that short stunt of fun in 2003 when I didnt get what I wanted I stopped giving people what they wanted and just turned cold on everyone. I have to go to support group to learn how to be human and out of the nazi death camp zone.

people at support group don't understand why I don't want to go night clubbing right now. I am tired...

I can't get excited about doing this silly design degree no matter how much I try, I am too practical. I spoke to a priest about ideas and he has more of a idea of what I am interested in than that frivolous rubbish of design. I take my mum to church and the ballet and high teas and massages and gym for something to do, we raise money and help out a few charity groups and i need more help then I can give right now. I am so tired and stiff in the back from the rain on my slipped discs and neck aching and all I could do was get home from the wet rain to have some old brandy dark fruit christmas pudding and custard cuz I don't care what people think of me anymore. I rarely wear make up and hit my eye today putting on silly eye liner and those things are just all filled with poison that gets into the skin. I go to boring church or support group meetings and I am a dull person. I don't even drink soft drink or cordial or even juice much - just water or teas, I have a wide variety of teas as does my dad and we all like them, we have a capincino machine we opened at xmas and all these coffee no one uses. I am worried about my persian cat she could have urinary tract infection and my black/chocolate cat is clearly an allergy cat which is stressing me.

I can't get excited about doing this silly design degree no matter how much I try, I am too practica...