Sadism

I am a sadist. I enjoy watching people's pain on TV and the computer. I go to bondage porn sites, and download as much as I can. This wouldn't be so bad, if so many people didn't confide in me. You see, I am very good at hiding my sadism, and people tend to see me as loving and caring. One girl who was raped confides in me and cries to me whenever I see her. She didn't even tell her parents. She blurts out everything to me, and I listen, stroking her hair, and saying things to make her feel better. She told me once that I saved her life, she would have killed herself if she didn't tell me. The sick part is that I actually enjoy hearing her stories. I love the pain she feels. I love how defenceless she is. But I saved her life. I make her feel better. I wanted to know what you thought; do I deserve forgivness for helping her through it, or am I going to be doomed for life for enjoying it? If it makes any difference, we're both 13. She was raped at 10.