Degeneración....

I woke up really sick yesterday morning I was having a meltdown panic attack over it. I got up and I was flat out walking to the toilet and so incredibly dizzy and nauseated and had some gastro as well. I was beside myself crying that the mastoid infection thing could happen again or the RN said could I have had food poisoning because I told her I had had jauntis a few weeks ago bit was just in around the eyes and I get that from time to time. anyway before I rang the doctor I remembered I had some tablets for dizzy spells so I took 1 cuz my gp isn't back from holiday yet if I get really sick I will call a home doctor or go down to the VP24 they are better then the stupid hospital. I was crying tonight because I don't want to die from this thing and I have to go to hospital soon for something I can't talk about anyway. I don't want to die. I don't want to go through it again like last time. I would kill myself then go through it again. I said that back in 2000 after that huge middle ear infection I used to lay over the side of the bed facing the floor crying all day and all night for over 6 years and I thought that was bad enough. I thought i was gonna die then but each time it has got worse. I fear so much. I got to cope some how all alone in this. no one is gonna care when i die. no one has ever cared about me. I just don't want to have anymore senseless injections of shit in me and no more xrays and ct scans of my brain etc. Mri's fine but like the RN said for me not to take anymore tablets incase the doctor fines something more wrong but I have to go to hospital in a few weeks time for something else. I can't have all these problems, sure this was not as bad as when I needed the ambulance with my brain swelling after i washed my hair and everything was double and I couldn't walk straight for weeks. I used to slide side ways up and down the hall way checking on my mothers breathing a dozen times a night when I was really sick. I have to go to hospital in a few weeks and I don't want anyone worrying about me. I am alone in this illness and i am coping as best as i can. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoG4z3c-rZY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgp2gheUjLA Rn asked me if I have recently hit my head, "hit my head, I can't remember! since the car accident" but usually its the dam cupboard in the kitchen I hit my head on or something else inflicted. but I am feeling a bit better today anyway.

I woke up really sick yesterday morning I was having a meltdown panic attack over it. I got up and I...

what I hate is when women pull this stunt of "I am not your child minder or a guy isn't a child minder, if a woman is drunk, I made a point of making my mum and I stay with my aunty at new years party because she had drunk a bit and I wanted to make sure she got home ok without someone taking advantage of her, sometimes love does lean! sometimes you do be a child minder for someone you care about! no matter their age! especially when its family! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fIQznlZGOg&t=1255s yeh, well this girl kerry that I met was clearly strange to me. and I told police I believed ken to be friends with the film group and they didn't take me too seriously about the connection. and the rsl and the dept of defense didn't tell me everything I wanted to know or that my lawyer wanted to know or what my doctors wanted to know. all my neighbors could do was giggle around on drugs and I swear they killed someone. I swear I heard someone being killed and the smell. no one believes me. they had no respect for me and the police should respect me more i have studied law and policing ethics back over 25 years ago. nothing is that funny. so did what was i snorting in simon, charlie and berty? carry on up the incinerator? that is why I said "someone is dead and this is funny to you? no you didn't say what I wanted to hear and know" and that someone would try to kill me, make me sick and rape me be it one person or a group of crazy halloweeners, and its funny to people?

what I hate is when women pull this stunt of "I am not your child minder or a guy isn't a child mind...

my brothers godfather came from kassel Germany, my godparents family owned a world wild soft-drink company. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSuSGlAaZZk ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL1xoAnGHGI

my brothers godfather came from kassel Germany, my godparents family owned a world wild soft-drink c...