I'm gay My family thinks I am horribly lecherous and that I need to "get my act together". Although the only reason I obnoxiously flirt with women is because I’m terrified my family will find out I’m gay. Some of my family members wont be okay with me being gay. This scares me because I love them and I don’t want to be rejected by them. The only ones that know I'm gay are my best friend, his sister and his parents. I trust them and I know they will keep it a secret. Sadly though, this is not the rest of my problem. For the past three years or so, I've been having very...intense affectionate feelings toward my best friend. We've been friends since the fourth grade,and all through out the eleven years I've known him I've never seen nor heard that he was dating anyone. H***, I haven't even seen him show any interest towards anyone of any gender. I want to tell him, but I don't know where he stands. Also he's my best friend and I don't want to loose him because of my stupid emotions. Also,I feel like total ass for flirting with women the way I have been. I hope at some point I'll have a chance to make things okay.

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But loo...

I like this guy, he's not cute, but he is... If that makes sense. His personality is cute, not the o...