I hate myself and want to tell someone but I can’t everyone thinks I’m perfect but I’m not I’m breaking inside.

I hate myself and want to tell someone but I can’t everyone thinks I’m perfect but I’m not I’m breaking inside.

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So, my brother and his best friend are both 25. I'm 18. My name's Arabella, my brother's name is Kian, and his best friend's name is Alec. My brother and I have known Alec for about nine years (Me-9 years olds, Kian and Alec-16 years old). My brother and I hang out pretty often and he started to hang out with Alec a little more often, so I did too. Alec and I began to grow close very quickly. Alec was scared to upset my brother because they were very close themselves, but eventually Alec told Kian that we had developed feelings for one another. Kian is usually a violent person and surprising he took this information very well. He proceeded to let us talk so long as we all respected one another. One night we all went to Alec's to drink, but I didn't drink because I'm a good girl. Alec had told me he had planned to get Kian plastered so he'd sleep like a rock and it'd give us a chance to be alone. I felt a little bad for Kian. Alec and I were in love. We had only recently begun talking for about 5 months before we realized we loved one another. We could talk for hours and we did. We talked for about four hours before we laid in bed together. As soon as we touched the bed our romantic butterflies were gone and we were immediately very lustful. We had s**. We both felt bad for Kian, but neither Alec nor I regretted it.

So, my brother and his best friend are both 25. I'm 18. My name's Arabella, my brother's name is Kia...