I don't understand why I don't have more out of life because I am not a wasteful person and I am careful and avoid risks and go for a sure thing than a risk, and cautious by nature. if anything I should have got angry eariler in life and for some reason I didn't. I had the car accident and hit on the head and forgot things, and didn't waste myself in my youth to nightclubs and drugs and bad lifestyle and i don't understand people who smoke and drink alcohol. I never liked it myself. I only bum puffed a few smokes but couldn't breath it into my lungs without being sick or vomiting. I was never a big alcohol drinker only occasional drinking like special occasions once every few years and i just didn't enjoy it after a stomach bug never had it since. it is not nice. i only eat chocolate now and then, I can go months witout wanting it then get a craving same with cake or other things. i never crave fatty things. sometimes sweets but fruit is better then chocolate. I am sick of being made to feel guilty as if I ate myself to this or i gave myself illness when I enjoy exercise and I wanted to be working. I want a better life even now. and sick of being told step aside, pay your dues before you deserve love, at this rate i will never be worthy there will always be someone throwing their old baggage at me saying i need to suffer like them when maybe they need to learn to suffer it out like me. by the time I am worthy I will be too old to have a baby and I don't think that is fair, all the years I should have been working and I won't accept I had no skills, just like I won't accept my parents had no skills, I applied for a job last year for part time floristy assistant the lady told me she got 400plus applicants and does not have the time to go through them all just some part time shop assistance job around flowers and gift sets and chocolates. there is some system helping certain people lord over others and i want to know what the criteria is. I told a college I am dropping out of tafe because I can't cope with the stress and their bullying. i can't relate to their teaching and marking and personalities. its so amway ra-ra american hype over nothing.
I don't understand why I don't have more out of life because I am not a wasteful person and I am careful and avoid risks and go for a sure thing than a risk, and cautious by nature. if anything I should have got angry eariler in life and for some reason I didn't. I had the car accident and hit on the head and forgot things, and didn't waste myself in my youth to nightclubs and drugs and bad lifestyle and i don't understand people who smoke and drink alcohol. I never liked it myself. I only bum puffed a few smokes but couldn't breath it into my lungs without being sick or vomiting. I was never a big alcohol drinker only occasional drinking like special occasions once every few years and i just didn't enjoy it after a stomach bug never had it since. it is not nice. i only eat chocolate now and then, I can go months witout wanting it then get a craving same with cake or other things. i never crave fatty things. sometimes sweets but fruit is better then chocolate. I am sick of being made to feel guilty as if I ate myself to this or i gave myself illness when I enjoy exercise and I wanted to be working. I want a better life even now. and sick of being told step aside, pay your dues before you deserve love, at this rate i will never be worthy there will always be someone throwing their old baggage at me saying i need to suffer like them when maybe they need to learn to suffer it out like me. by the time I am worthy I will be too old to have a baby and I don't think that is fair, all the years I should have been working and I won't accept I had no skills, just like I won't accept my parents had no skills, I applied for a job last year for part time floristy assistant the lady told me she got 400plus applicants and does not have the time to go through them all just some part time shop assistance job around flowers and gift sets and chocolates. there is some system helping certain people lord over others and i want to know what the criteria is. I told a college I am dropping out of tafe because I can't cope with the stress and their bullying. i can't relate to their teaching and marking and personalities. its so amway ra-ra american hype over nothing.