Understand when I say this..... In my own stubbornness brought on by him and my stepdad I have learn to hold grudges growing up. Emotions are like light switches to me that I can turn off. Sometimes I don't think about who that effects around me. I'm sorry that I stayed so mad at him. Because if I'd of given him another chance to just be around you'd of got a chance to meet him again. Add the fact that I call myself not speaking to you either for so long was pretty much me being an Asshole. And not just letting shit go. And the next phone call I make to you after all that time is to tell you our father is dead. When I think of how I could have connected the dot on that it hurts me right now realizing what I could have done but didn't because of my own selfish pride. And you may not care right now. And I understand b/c I'm right there with you. But when I think about what didn't have to be. I realize the reason you never got to know your father was because of me.