it used to be "oh its fine to get angry and still be lovable" now its not! confused?

For You I wish I could hug some of you or give a word to brighten your world. If only "trolls" didn't exist. I wish I could tell the dad who last year spent time w/ his son making greeting cards for the people in the apartment complex he works at, that I know he exist, because he wanted to be noticed in his building and they were returned to him. I wish I were in your family and could call you to invite you to my house for Thanksgiving and we would spend time talking about silly things and sad things. I wish I could wrap you in my arms stopping you from cutting and confessing my love to you. I wish I could make you pain go away and tell you it's going to be fine and you would believe me. I wish I could show you how a man is supposed to treat a woman and show you love. I wish I were there when your dog died and he was all you had left of your now diseased dad. I wish I was there when those people called you a lesbian, gay, fat, stupid, worthless and etc., and I would shut them up. I wish I could be your superman and tell you you are not worthless and you wouldn't doubt it again. I wish I could laugh with you, cry with you, love you, But I can't. Although, your name is anonymous I know you are here. Even though I will never meet you I care about you. Although you might end your life. I will miss you. And even though you won't take my message as serious I leave it here for you to return and read it because you know I speak the truth. To You from Me.

For You I wish I could hug some of you or give a word to brighten your world. If only "trolls" didn'...

My abortion Well i havent relly told any1 this but when i was 18 i fell pregnate with my boyfriend ( he was 30 at the time) of three months. i was so scared when i found out i was pregnate my whole world came crashing down. I was badley addicted to drugs and not in a stable state of mind. i was too scared to tell anyone because i was scared of what they of me silly but true. i decided to tell my bf and get a test, i was so scared when i was going to tell my bf i thought the worst but he was so suppotive. He wanted to keep the baby and i did but i couldnt! I could not bring myself to bring a child into a world where i could not provided the best for my child finacialy and physically and mentaly. I also took copious amounts of drugs ranging from anti deppresants to hallucingens and anti psycotics not knowing i was pregnate. it took me 2 months to decided on what i was going to do with my baby i wanted to keep him or her soo bad but i wouldnt be able to live with myself if i brought that bubby into my world of messed up stuff. I contined to take drugs and i ended up really really ill. i was bed ridden for nearly 3 weeks barley touched any food and serverley dehydrated. i was approximatly 2 and a half months pregnate at the time and i weighed 43kg i should of been in hospital. i organised an appointment for a termintation of pregnacy in early 2009 i went into the clinic at 7am and went an talked to the head nurse about my desion she had the last say weather i could abort or not. i explained my situation and she asked me many of question and so on then it was time to say goodbye to my bf and head in the be preped for surgery, i went and changed into a gown. i went an had a consultation with the surgon he asked me questions checked my health and had an ultrasould i was 3 months and 5 days pregnate. He then gave me a few tablets to swallow to soften my cervix and to induce labour i had to wait around 3 hours in a waiting room with other woman i eventually went in for my surgery, the anesthesiologist checked me over and then walked me into the operating room on my way in there i passed the recovery room that had women in it recovering. i got on the table and they covered me up, the anesthesiologist injected the anesthetic and i got asked to count backwards and the next thing i remember was walking up in a chair with a drip in my arm. i felt extreamly ill. there was another girl looking at me when i awoke i later found out that was her third termination.. i went home about an hour later and slept on and off for the next couple of days. about three weeks after the fact i started greiving for my unborn child it nearly torn my relationship up with my partner and i lost a best friend aswell. (she was pregante to at the time i was two weeks in front and she didt like my choice but supported me but it got to hard in the end.) I struggled with that day for a good year but i know that was the best and responisble choice i have made for myself and that child it would of been iresponisble of me to bring that baby into a world of heartache and pain and drugs with no chance for a good future. i eventually started to get alot better mentaly and started to get my life together then when i had finally recoverd mentaly i copped a huge blow. I recevied a phone call from the heath department informing me that the anesthesiologist that worked on me had giving several women hepitis and i could of contracted it. my world crumbled with that phone call i could not stop crying and all the pain and suffering from the abortion came flooding back it was a very low point in my life. i went and got a bloodtest and it came back negitive (thank god!) i cant imaging all those poor woman that have contracted it from him. still to this day he has not been charged.. his name is Dr. James Latham Peters. i hope he rots in h***!

My abortion Well i havent relly told any1 this but when i was 18 i fell pregnate with my boyfriend (...

Escape Myself I like the idea of being raped or kidnapped....maybe because I crave attention? I don't feel like anyone ever pays attetion. All I do is sit on this computer wishing I had someone to talk to. My one best friend likes my sister more than me and now they are best friends...kind of. I don't socialize well. And I am not a good person. Sometimes I wish that people would just leave me alone. Other times I wish they could see how unhappy I am and that I need somebody..anybody to just listen. I hate being black. I wish I were white. Black people just aren't usually known for being good people. I wished that guys would just pay attention to me. I wish that I could die. I would try suicide but I'm a coward. Growing up in a christian home, well suicide is a sin and I am afraid of going to h***. I wish I could hear God's voice. I wish I was like my sister. Her life is so good. She is so good. Shes a christian and shes in love. Everything works out for her and I truly believe that its because of God. For some reason I can't get that close. For some reason every time I turn back to God I turn away again. I'm not beautiful. I have no common sense. I have a low voice and I am 155lbs. My 'friends' say I don't look it. I just want to sleep all day. Or play on the computer. I wish I could escape myself.Abuse..but its good My step dad as been sexually abusing me since i was 9, im 15 now, and i actually like it. We have s** whenever we can. I think i may be in love with him.

Escape Myself I like the idea of being raped or kidnapped....maybe because I crave attention? I don'...