its a good thing after dickhead that I was able to just ignore men and not ever to take to heart what men did or said. It taught me never to love, you save that for your pets and family. until someone bends over backwards and jumps through hoops and more to prove their worth which will be quite the display because I gave up believing in love after all the abuse I went through. I shut down after rick ! nothing could hurt me. I don't love him either. I just don't care. I just wish I had met someone else better right then as it was supposed to be in my book i had written about my life. why should I care about anyone that much. I can hate back but also too, I save myself the burden of their hatefull ways too by just always moving on emotionally and looking for new. I always get out of other womens way, then they can't blame me, they carry the hate and they know what they did to get the relationship and money. so I sleep well at night and I don't have to stress over that stuff or feel guilt over a thing. my doctors told me not to. so i don't. i didn't assault anyone unlike some people.