Today, i looked at my life and i found that i

Today, i looked at my life and i found that i didn't achieve anything in it at all no friends no wife or even a girlfriend my life is dull i even stopped leaving the house except for really really important things i'm having a health problem in my heart which causes me to feel tired quickly with a least activity my legs and hands are numb i went to the doctor, but i don't have faith in him i'm afraid that i will die very soon, or at least will have a serious problem with my hear and it will stop beating i wish my life was better than this when i was young i used to have a lot of dreams, but non of them come true i feel depressed and that my life has no meaning or taste i don't know what to do i beleive in God, and i accept what id happing to me, may be i sinned in the past, and this is what i deserve please God, help me

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I turned 18 in September of my senior year and wanted to be considred cool and would do stupid things i thought would make people like me. I was well known as a virgen, geek & nerd who never had a date or got invitated to partys and made choices that ended up being really embarrassing. During that fall i had been allowed to drive at night on a strict schedule. I drove two couples (including a girl i had a crush on and her boyfriend) around and handled the dilemma of being over a half hour late by stopping home to ask for permission to stay out later that i should have known i'd never get, not thinking that i didn't have permission to have others in the car bringing them all inside with me thinking my parents would think they were my friends. The result was my stepdad getting angry and calling me out for curfew and driving them and me being defiant and evading him for a few seconds when he said to give him the keys then being caught by him yelled at and then he physicaly punished me in front of them. He drove them to their party and talked to them about me and everyone at school found out about it. Two months later I was caught shoplifting a can of beer. I got released to my parents and my stepdad got them dropped but i had to pay him back for $250 restitution and was grounded to my doorless room for 3 months. They hired a neighbor my age watch over me when they went out and also for two full weekends they went away that i had to pay $10 an hour for 106 hours he babysat. I dealt with it even though it was humiliating,, and he was ok to me mostly but there were some very difficult moments. i also Had to work off my debt at $1.50 per hour so it took me almost 7 months to work off over 800 hours mostly cleaning in the house over and over. He threatened to put me on grounded restriction again if i didnt get 25 hours done each week. I thought working over 6 hours to pay for one hour was so unfair and said so a couple of times, but got shut down and had my face rubbed in it and i obeyed him again very quickly. I learned my lessons and once i got it done they were proud and i never got in trouble again but have lived a very meek life and people still remember what happened. i am still very embarrassed about it. I am almost 34 and still live at home. My younger sister and brother are both successful, married with kids which i should be but I rent a basement room from my parents have a dead end job and still do chores for them.

I turned 18 in September of my senior year and wanted to be considred cool and would do stupid thing...

yeh well I am not a medical expert

yeh well I am not a medical expert

Generalizing and other stuff People generalizing others bug me more than anything in the world. Me and my mom and brother were riding by some run down housing units and my brother kept joking of it being trap houses, or crack house or some crack/trap combo and it was kind of funny before it got to the point where I suspected they both honestly thought only druggies lived in those areas. Assuming things about other people based on their possessions rather than seeing them personally is frankly dumb in my opinion. And later me my mom and her boyfriend were talking over the MTV awards and it eventually got to the Will Smith family unit somehow–Willow Smith in particular, my moms boyfriend was giving reasons on why she is as crazy and irresponsible as her brother and the first thing he brought up was her having a tongue piercing at 14….like what? Compared to the things Jaden does she's a fucking saint. Then he brought up her taking nearly naked photos with a person over 18 and I agreed but…how is that the second thing he thought of…teenagers getting piercings like that aren't exactly uncommon nowadays. I questioned him on this and he got all pissy and talked about how when 13 year olds(you see how he de aged her to make his argument more impactful) get their tongue piercing it means their a hoe… Not because they think it looks cool or anything they're obviously doing it for that D. That made me angry so I tried to make a point that even if you believed she and all other tongue pierced individuals were hoes that doesn't really hold a higher degree of slut as taking a naked photo with an older man. That's like (and excuse my political metaphor) Donald Trump is a terrible president because he has a history of Terrible steaks with the footnote as 'he also has gone bankrupt several time and has no political experience and also has plans of nuclear war in the future' (last part was a lie…hopefully) The piercing was irrelavent but he got all defensive about it. Fact of the matter is I hate when people assume things…and claim to have an open mind when they can't even see past appearances.

Generalizing and other stuff People generalizing others bug me more than anything in the world. Me...