wish i was skinny skinny skinny and worth it. I hate this. I just hate.

I would get to the checkout and start shaking literally and heart racing at the idea of having to swipe my card and I didn't really want to spend. I literally gave up study because everywhere I went even when i had cancer I was bullied, even when i had several mini strokes and mini heart attacks I was bullied, at the hospital, colleges in brisbane and tafe and I blame david bowie for most of that, the man is a complete demon ass hole for what he and his whores did to me and same with charlie sheen and his that slut melanie vettel and sabstine the race car driver where bullying me the whole time, not one person ever cared about me, that i was raped, or bashed and so on. no one real friend for ages then the friends I made just abused me last year and they were fakers, I could never have a friend like kelly or anita or lisa really those churches were so hurtful unhelpful - whatever people give to me they always take and never give genuinely with some compassionate care or heart. all my life this has been my life. our house is like being buried alive, I was buying things to renovate and we have white ants eating the house out and i have no bedroom my room is sky high of clothing and rubble and crockery, perfume and its stuff that came too late to me, like everything in my life. everything has always come too late, no one cares deliberately to the point they wear me out with everything. its been that way with relationships and I wanted to be a mother and married when I was 23 I was at university and spent most of my time studying judges decisions and legal cases and loved it but then people started telling me, oh no this is not you. you need to do xyz but not law not motherhood not be loved. sorry if I don't understand. so I went shopping and it shut the bastards up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuKzXssnjEg

I would get to the checkout and start shaking literally and heart racing at the idea of having to sw...

my mother won't stop shopping and buying, the doctor wangkas attitude was just shop don't worry about your house or career or having a marriage or husband or going on a holiday or having children or a real life just keep shopping, its not normal.... don't worry about having a baby because you couldn't handle the pain like lisa the asian can, you couldn't do a job in pharmacy or legal you couldn't do this job in this or that is all I ever heard from people! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce6z7WmBSYo

my mother won't stop shopping and buying, the doctor wangkas attitude was just shop don't worry abou...

people have to earn my shit in front of my face, i want to see you suffer infront of my face if you want my shit. thats what you get for being so nice lord. that what you get for being too nice to people who are abusive https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=diYAc7gB-0A I wanted to be in a caring good relationship not living this lie!

people have to earn my shit in front of my face, i want to see you suffer infront of my face if you ...