just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that look I guess of I have suffer out everything in life alone, not like other people who are born special. for someone who had such rich godparents they could have asked me out and introduced me to some proper flaming men around the place. like I am so sick of study in a way but I enjoy the things I am doing now. I but it wish everything was easier, I had a lot of eye pain today after the drops and blurred for ages and just really impressed with the physio how he is just so good to his employees. wow, wish I had a boss like that. but my eyes are super sore and I just want to sleep, I have my period and I am so tired and yet need to lose weight and I think I have vit b12 deficiency I was getting the shakes and dizzy last night. my sister and grandfather had that b12 problem and I have wondered. i have high cholesterol which is a worry. I am so depressed since surgery just feel like I have no hope in finding a husband or real love, why did we believe all the lies about education? I should have 3 masters degrees but none of things matter to me as much as real love and valuing what I am doing, being valued for doing something rather then nothing. I am not good at initiating relationships or intimacy and sex. that has been my problem all this time my shyness. I was excessively shy and shame based abused so I just shut down. look at everything I have missed out on. like the work, to work in an nice air conditioned office would be nice. to own a house and car and not have all these medical and money worries. other people are allowed work and a dream so why can't I have it too? I am getting sick of this whole deal.