just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that look I guess of I have suffer out everything in life alone, not like other people who are born special. for someone who had such rich godparents they could have asked me out and introduced me to some proper flaming men around the place. like I am so sick of study in a way but I enjoy the things I am doing now. I but it wish everything was easier, I had a lot of eye pain today after the drops and blurred for ages and just really impressed with the physio how he is just so good to his employees. wow, wish I had a boss like that. but my eyes are super sore and I just want to sleep, I have my period and I am so tired and yet need to lose weight and I think I have vit b12 deficiency I was getting the shakes and dizzy last night. my sister and grandfather had that b12 problem and I have wondered. i have high cholesterol which is a worry. I am so depressed since surgery just feel like I have no hope in finding a husband or real love, why did we believe all the lies about education? I should have 3 masters degrees but none of things matter to me as much as real love and valuing what I am doing, being valued for doing something rather then nothing. I am not good at initiating relationships or intimacy and sex. that has been my problem all this time my shyness. I was excessively shy and shame based abused so I just shut down. look at everything I have missed out on. like the work, to work in an nice air conditioned office would be nice. to own a house and car and not have all these medical and money worries. other people are allowed work and a dream so why can't I have it too? I am getting sick of this whole deal.

pet peeves people who use phrases like "tell it to the hand cus the face don't want to listen" or "IMAO" in my arrogant opinion, these people have nothing to be arrogant about but should be grateful and humble and it is really insulting to be in the company of assholes who talk down at you but can't see that they do things that they critize you for, like defaming companies for minor traces of caffeine etc and yet don't make a issue over too much nuts or whatever and how they can cause illness and contradict themselves in other videos saying the opposite which I have noticed some health people do which is really confusing or thinking they are cool with stupid dialogue and utudy celebs who film every aspect of their lives talking too fast and raving on about mindless stuff that was once interesting on their videos that just lack substance. people who are constantly fiddling with their mobile while out with you are truely annoying and how rude at a meeting or medical appointment unless urgent to take a personal call ? and eat at a five star fine dining restaurant near the chef only to stare at a mobile all day during the menu. I must admit I have been working in industrial kitchens a few times and last time I was so ill and had to fake my interest in the chocolate the whole time it made me want to vomit and I had to fake my liking of it to be socially acceptable, then like I meet gay chefs from france who work in big hotels talking vulgar comments about piping meringue techniques while I am trying to prepare 100 or more parlor high tea sweets, so I did down the champagne in this huge kitchen after putting up with him. guys who talk to you as if you are their past partners and your just "no, I want out of this crap", and then there are these "hate talk" people like my sister and others who are just filled with hate talk that my doctor says he wanted to protect from because its so un-needed. sometimes the people who are labeled crazy for saying they are being violated or abused are not crazy and actually are being abused and not just attention seeking. wow what a new concept!

pet peeves people who use phrases like "tell it to the hand cus the face don't want to listen" or "I...

I told my doctor about rick kicking in the tailbone one night. this american was a dickhead. he kept...