I am a drunk and I smell and I am a deadpan old bark fart homeless mess

I paid my own evening school so i could achive more in my job, but this school costed to much money, now i got so many bills to pay, i dont know how, my bank account is 3000 euros in debt, its not that much actually, i get 1500 every month, so i could get out of it in like a half year without to much of a sacrifice, but now my paycheck is 2 days late and i got an awfull lot of extra bills because i couldnt pay them in time, its getting more and more, and more and more nervous, and i hate it. Money shouldnt rule my mind, but it does since this fucking school, i hope it was worth it in the end, but i dont think so. i wanna tell this to someone, but i dont know who, i got a new boyfriend but i dont wanna load this on him, i wanna talk to my dad but if its getting worse he will lend me money, and i dont want that, because my 8 years older brother does that everytime they see, i dont want my dad to think of me the same, cause i see this is hurting him, i want him to see me as an adult.

I paid my own evening school so i could achive more in my job, but this school costed to much money,...

I'm from a poor family but have friends from well brought families. They went to good schools, me not so and even at the age of 29 I'm struggling while they're doctors and architects. But to the actual secret: because they've never understood how having no money works, for the last 2 years I've lied to my friends having stuff to do whenever they ask if I'd want to go do something that costs even just for a small amount. Which is 95% of the time. They've been also worrying about my health as there is literally no food for me to eat so I've been lying to them that it's just stress talking since I'm always so "busy"... While I'm just at home, filling job applicant papers and imagining the fun they're having. Lying to them breaks my heart...

I'm from a poor family but have friends from well brought families. They went to good schools, me no...

I'm so scared to spend money, that sometimes I skip meals just so I can scrape by. I hate having all these responsibilities of paying for loans and paying back the school tuition because that means less money for me to use to eat. I want my life to get on track, but I can't do it because when I started school I didn't have any money to help pay for it. Now I'm about 8 thousand dollars in debt to the school and 12 thousand in debt with the loans that helped me scrape by in school in the first place. I constantly wish I can be just given one million dollars to get it over with and pay everything off like I want to, so I can finally move out, have a car, buy food, and most of all, buy the puppy I've been wanting for years. That's my secret...

I'm so scared to spend money, that sometimes I skip meals just so I can scrape by. I hate having all...