i realised i was an ugly child young and i was treated uglier being sexually assaulted by dirty old men and never once did one young son of a bitch ever ask me out. not once! you bet I have hate in my heart! you won't to bet I hate ! I knew I was an ugly dog, fat ugly old maid that couldn't get a fuck to save my own sorry loser ass as a teen or young girl at university. you bet I had hate in my heart after joyce and others. you wanna better I hated everyone for abusing me, their pathetic excuses for abusing me as well. I knew I was a ugly old fat dog at 25 and I lost weight with the goal of marriage not rape to a spastic scum bum. I was after better the world didn't want me to have better I accept that the world chose to hate me and I hate them back. I know I am a fat old ugly dog and they have to look at me i don't have to look in the mirror. they have to live with causing me heart illness and other illness they have to live with causing me to be childless and without a man, they have to live with the rape they caused me, they can make up all the pathetic excuses out but the truth is I never go any other woman raped or abused like this. I never made someone abuse others or me like this, they chose to. they have to live with who they are not me.