i have told my mum if I die before her what i want done, I have considered euthanizing my cats with me because i don't want the burden of worrying about them being homeless quite frankly, I don't want to worry about these things and in many ways i am glad i have never married and had kids to all the losers that crossed my path who acted like absolute freaking rude groping pigs, which is something I detest. i accept my illnesses but I don't want to talk about them. I want to find a remedy or cure for them. I want to surpas them and get better and stronger and healthier again and if I found the right man to marry I believe I could do just that. I wish I knew why I was so ignored when I was younger ? and groped at and manhandled like some animal when I did nothing to encourage men to kick and bash me or for women to attack me or both men and women to sexually assault me. I am sick of doctors and everyone minimilizing my needs and issues for their own cruel over billowing mindless capers. i used to respect doctors and feel safe with them, trust them but I have had a few do some weird things to me, like one physician when I was teen looked into my pants and we just prevely discussed my periods at that point i was getting spotting and mild bleeding between periods during ovulation that was not really pleasant like last month i had 2 periods in 1 month plus a weeks bleeding after the vaginal surgery and stitches. i mean its all been a waste really. life has been a waste to me when it shouldn't have been.