Fuckin games Warning I will probably say fuck way more than needed but Im angry and that is what tends to come out when Im this pissed and upset. Ok so how the fuck is someone supposed to feel when they are ignored? If you make it seem like you dont wanna fuckin talk to me Im not gonna waste my fuckin time and talk to you. Then you start yelling at me sayin its my fault and that all Im saying is lies like BITCH NO how can I tell lies when I dont even know the fuckin truth anymore. You wanna make it seem like there is someone else and that you dont love me anymore and all this bs and then try to make it my fault cause I dont know what to do or say. You fuckin know I have mental problems. Personality disorders, depressions out the ass, probably fuckin bipolar. You know I have all this shit wrong with me and you claim you give up like no you dont just do that to someone with these problems. It makes them all worse. For fucks sake Im sorry that Im not perfect but neither are you so dont expect me to change in the blink of an eye. Hell the only changing Ive done over the past 3 years is get worse cause no one is willing enough to help figure out whats wrong and what can be done to fix it. I would never fuckin leave when there are things you need help with. Thats why my uncle killed himself because his pig of a wife left him when he needed her most. I try my hardest every day to be perfect and do the right things but my brain has a mind of its own that fucks with my attempts and tells me that nothing I do is right and that Im just gonna fuck up and that no one loves me and that Ill never beloved, never get married, never be happy. Like its hard enough to keep myself alive cause all I wanna do is give up but then I look at my parents and best friend and dont have the heart to put them through that pain. I know how it feels I know it sucks. Ive gone through it 3 times. And then there is you who Im not sure if youd even care. You dont care enough to tell me you love me. Or call. There is only so much that a 17 year old girl can do on her own and it isnt much. I dont know jack shit about life. Im about to graduate school and start lifes real bs. But I sit here and fight with my heart and brain cause they both want to give up and not be a part of life anymore. Im scared shitless to live. To be alive is one of the scariest things for me. Not dying. Im scared to fuck shit up, to ruin peoples lives, to make everyone miserable. Like I already have. I laughed for the first time today in a while. It was a real laugh too. But not even an hour later I go back to being upset. Crying, wishing things were different. And its because of no matter what I do Im not good enough. And you make it clear every time we fight that Im not good enough for you. And I fuckin beg like my last breath depended on it that you stay cause Ive never loved like this before. And you fuckin stay. But each time its as if I drain a lil bit of life out of you each time and thats what I dont want to do. Thats why Im afraid to be with you. Im afraid to be with you because Ive already ruined so many others lives I dont want to fuck yours up and make you regret being with me. There isnt anything in this world I want more for you than to be happy and half the time I feel like that wont happen if youre with me but I love you too much to leave cause I dont want to be alone and you know me and you know how I act like no one else does. I dont even know what else to say. I keep crying. All I want to do is just disappear out of life and erased from peoples memories so they wont miss me. Cause Im sure even leaving Id fuck something up in your life again. FUCK. I dont feel any better but I had to be said. One way or another. This all needed to be said.