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well once again I am poor from payout out and lining others pockets and giving! when will the nightmare of this stop?

AbuseHate
well once again I am poor from payout out and lining others pockets and giving! when will the nightmare of this stop?
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A problem. I'm pregnant. Just found out today, though I've been sure for a while. Probably four or five weeks along now. It's my ex-boyfriends. He left me recently to be with his baby's momma (he has an eight-month old son). In the past four or five weeks, I've had alcohol numerous times, smoked cigarettes consistantly, smoked a decent amount of bud, and blown a lot of coke. I know this is all bad for the baby- but I'm secretly hoping I'm going to have a miscarriage. I'm not going to stop smoking and I'm not going to stop doing drugs. I can't afford an abortion, but I can't have this baby either. I'm eighteen and starting school tomorrow. I really just can't. I'm sure I'm a bad person. But I'd be an even worse mother. I'm in no position to have a baby- I can barely take care of myself. In addition, my ex and I hate each other. I don't know. I can't tell anyone and I don't know what to do. Cocaine, cigarettes and alcohol all increase chances of miscarriages early on in pregnancy...so I'm hoping all three will be a sure-fire way of getting rid of this. I'm going to h***, I'm pretty sure.

A problem. I'm pregnant. Just found out today, though I've been sure for a while. Probably four or ...

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I'm Sorry. I'm sorry that Rilo Kiley I'm Sorry. I'm sorry that Rilo Kiley resonates more deeply with me than anything Robert Johnson ever sang. That I can only get into jazz as far a Kind of Blue and My Favorite Things. I'm sorry that there's nothing in my life I actually want to work for. I'm sorry that I'm weak. That I don't assert myself in situations where I'm clearly in the right, knowing full well that the resulting malaise will adversely affect those who care about me. That I'm lazy. That I'm tired. That I'm sad and self-pittying. I'm sorry that every ambition I've ever had is based on being and not doing. I'm sorry that my impulses to help other people are solely emotional, never crossing into the realm of action. I'm sorry that I drink. That I smoke. That I eat eggs, milk, cheese, and corn syrup. That I drive instead of walk. That the thing keeping me from buying a new bike is that any bike I could afford wouldn't be cool. I'm sorry that I'm selfish. That now I only sleep with women I could never love. I'm sorry I have no passion for anything or anyone except a woman who is too emotionally scarred to ever love me again and a child who has never existed and will never exist. That that's my fault. I'm sorry that 18 months ago I decided that I had to solve my problems alone instead of consulting, even for a second, the most important person in my life. I'm sorry that I keep doing this to myself. I'm sorry that I'm never going to stop.

I'm Sorry. I'm sorry that Rilo Kiley I'm Sorry. I'm sorry that Rilo Kiley resonates more deeply wi...

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I know i am terrble and i have beeen though alot and this makes me wanna kill myself again but i Promise i won't just help me If their is a God? Pray for me I am a little slore I am Sorry brittany I am sorry for messing up you and Darnell And i am sorry i can't tell you this to your face I am so sorrry

I know i am terrble and i have beeen though alot and this makes me wanna kill myself again but i Pro...

Abuse