masquerade DRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY b***** h***!

today I have blisters over my arms and back I wish I could see my doctor but I am afraid he will get angry at me over the sunburn. last night I just got some towels and soaked them and put them in the freezer over night to freeze up to use today, over night I got some face masks I had with a enzeyme and just put all of them on my body where I could over night to soak it up. the frankinsence and myrh are good for anti cancer so I hope this works. I just can't believe this has happen in like 15 mins in the sun and what annoyed me was these 3 arab/italian guys were getting around the park near the jetty with this toy drone that came over us, and up to us. it just felt un-nerving really.

today I have blisters over my arms and back I wish I could see my doctor but I am afraid he will get...

I don't like boats, I don't like being in water like the sea, I get sea sick badly on a ferris wheel let alone a cruise, I have to take medication to stop vomiting because of middle ear problems, I get sun burnt badly so I won't be about to go out in the deck much because I can't bare the look of the flaming water and the fear of the ship sinking, I can't stand the smell of the sea, I hate everything rocking. I just like being with real friends and eating out lean, I can't stand the sight of my relatives and most of my family. I have no friends and no husband and no boyfriend, no one likes me because of one dead beat loser who raped me and I am over it. I went and got medical help, I don't want the scam artist near me again. I even prefer planes over cruises anywhere we go my mother or father or both will have to come with me because I don't trust anyone but them and my doctors and police unless I take the ones who care about me with me what if I get sick and have heart problems or ear or other problems? I always seem to want to be around a good doctor or police officer who seen me professionally to feel safe and if I get sick will help me if I need something. I don't trust anyone else. I want to enjoy a holiday but its no fun with all the problems, what about my cats, I can't leave them here with anyone incase they will harm them, I can't trust my sister alone and my dad is not likely to go anyway because he always complains and my sister spoils everything anyway. we are a broken family where things can not be fixed all thanks to fuckface pooorter holehead.

I don't like boats, I don't like being in water like the sea, I get sea sick badly on a ferris wheel...

even when I was thin - I was not a swim suit binkni person, I just don't like it. its not my scene, like even to wear a sarong is hell for me. and morally I just feel its wrong to even bother accepting this offer. I am not that easy to buy. I really don't feel morally comfortable about the whole thing. its not even like I will find any man who could love me. I was never good enough when I was younger, why would it change now. as if it could? it never does, people never treat me good enough. nothing ever works out for me in my life anyway. everything is just too late. I can't have a baby now. I don't believe a word my doctors tell me to be honest I don't think I am as healthy as they make out. I just play their game they want me to but - where is the job? where is the husband I was supposed to have 25 years ago? where was all the fun that I was supposed to have when I could enjoy it and now I am too old too sick and too hatefilled and untrusting of anyone anyway. a real man if he really loved me, he would come to my door and have the balls to show himself and and not put me through suffering always questioning - is he out to murder me? another set up for excitment to lead to bitter disappointment? when is the next insult from where around this place? I expect people to get off their ass and do, not plot and puzzle but its all about the NOW to me. I was forced to settle for less and everyone else can too! I have not enjoyed live in over 30 years. don't fucking try to game me! I can't help it if I think like a cop, its just how I am. I am never relaxed ever.

even when I was thin - I was not a swim suit binkni person, I just don't like it. its not my scene, ...