Every time I go outside and feel the cold air hit my face it feels like it's hitting straight to my soul. I don't feel like I have ambition, and I've lost most hope in my life. Every time I walk outside on the streets and hear people laughing I have the urge to jump in front of one of the cars driving towards my direction..accidentally trip..I get angry very easily and I love to hit things or tense up my muscles as much as I can until it hurts. I feel like committing suicide would be the perfect answer, and whenever I am left alone with my thoughts or sit in a moving vehicle with music in my earphones I think of all the different ways that I could end my life. I am in my first year of college, going into the childcare industry because children make me happy and when I am responsible for another human. I take better care of myself- but my course is so demanding I feel like walls are closing in on me whenever we get a new assignment to do.i want to be strong enough to kill myself