I wasted my fucking life taking care of my retarded brother. I loved him, but because of him I never had a real relationship with a woman or had a family of my own. The worst part was my father lied to me that when he died I would inherit money to take care of my brother. When he died I discovered he had gambled all the money away. After 40 years of struggling to pay bills and take care of him my brother is dead. I'm 75, I have nothing to show for my life, no money, no family, no friends. I can't wait to die so I will be out if this misery.

I wasted my fucking life taking care of my retarded brother. I loved him, but because of him I never had a real relationship with a woman or had a family of my own. The worst part was my father lied to me that when he died I would inherit money to take care of my brother. When he died I discovered he had gambled all the money away. After 40 years of struggling to pay bills and take care of him my brother is dead. I'm 75, I have nothing to show for my life, no money, no family, no friends. I can't wait to die so I will be out if this misery.

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I had a rare phone call from my exgirlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on that day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember.

I had a rare phone call from my exgirlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was ...

i am a learner bitch! i have more reasons to be a bitch then the bitches who have bashed and abused me, i should be a bitch to everyone, you know some male cunts are bigger bitches then i could ever be. like my old fart psychiatrist pissed me off last time because that old cunt gets paid billions and passively listens a few hundred an hour and has the cunt hide to say to me "that is crying over spilt milk" as if the old fart expects me to see life like a stupid old fart, he can't understand why i would want kids, that is why i want to get rid of the useless fucker! as i don't believe he is telling me the truth about my health and never helps or 5 years i have seen him and its going nowhere, its like i have just been held back for 5 years when I wanted to be married with kids and this stupid old fart can't see why i would be upset. i felt like bashing the cunt over the head. someone should bash him up. i wish i had of got ron to go around bashing people who abused me. i really should have.

i am a learner bitch! i have more reasons to be a bitch then the bitches who have bashed and abused ...

I need to tell someone... I need to tell someone my secret but please no harsh comments...I thought about suicide a lot. I even attempted 5 times nobody knew but my sister & my bf. Ive been through so much im surprise im still alive. My past would make you cry. Im not even kidding. should i start from the very beginning? When i was 4-5 i have been molested by a relative i will not name because no one would believe me. if i were to tell him i would yell and cry. like why would you touch me and my sister? we were only 4-5 years old? i wish you would burn in h* because you were so close to the family. I hate your gutts everytime i see you im disgusted you could just walk around like nothing happened. You thought i was sleeping but i was awake the whole time it would happen every night you would come into the living room and touch us you sick b**! i wish i could kill you and be acceptable because of what you did to us. I felt so messed up in the head ever since birth i feel like. when i was 7 me and my cousin would touch each other we were both stupid. i know its disgusting when i think about it now im disgusted with myself. when i 8-12 i was abused by my dad for many stupid reasons. Me, my brother and sister. Well i was a problem child i didnt care about school or home. i stopped caring about anything my dad was never satisfied so i give him the satisfaction to beat me. yes it hurt but i knew it was never gonna stop. he would beat my till i had bruises. thats when i started to harm myself believe that when i was in fourth grade. when my family didnt notice i started wearing long sleeves to hide my scars. i stopped because why harm myself cuz of my hatred towards my dad. then i also was diagnosed with ADHD great what else could happen to my sick worthless self. I went to the clinic for a mental diagnosis secretly with no one with me i was diagnosed with bi polar disorder, depression, anxiety, plus the ADHD i didnt want those on my record forever so i denied the prescription to help me get better. what else could go possibly wrong. im not done yet. when i started to drink i got drunk and my closest uncle took advantage of me i said no but he kept talling me ill make you feel good. i wanted to cry because i couldnt push him off me he then said you cant deny me then he took off my shorts and underwear and he well you get the picture he said you wont remember but i do i remember everything i hate myself why did i get drunk that night why did i let him take advantage of me like that it haunts me. I wish i was dead but i already wished i was dead my fourth grade year i attempted 5 times. i didnt want to leave my family i knew would hurt most. My big sister i know she would be heart broken. i would hurt my boyfriend also. My sibling would be hurt too. my family would be too. i sometimes wish i was not so attached to my family then it wouldnt be a problem. if i died i would leave them in h*. they would hate me for killing myself but then one of these day i know i could just snap and bang im gone.

I need to tell someone... I need to tell someone my secret but please no harsh comments...I thought...