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Vermillion Pt 2

AdulteryPrideEnvyCovetousnessLoveLose of faithPrejudiceRapeWorship satan
she seemed dressed in all of me stretched across my shame all the torment and the pain leaked through and covered me id do anything to have her to myself just to have her for myself now i dont know what to do i dont know what to do when she makes me sad she is everything to me the unrequited dream the song that no one sings the unattainable she's a myth that i have to beleive in all i need to make it real is one more reason i dont know what to do i dont know what to do when she makes me sad but i wont let this build this inside me i wont let this build up inside me a catch in my throat choke torn into pieces i wont no i dont want to be this but i wont let this build up inside me i wont let this build up inside me she isnt real i cant make her real she isnt real i cant make her real
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I always find it funny when people pretend to use bananas as phones. work every morning at 6am.the minute anyone else is around she completely changes into a perfect angel. i have thought about leaving and signing myself into a mental hospital or drugging her into a zombie like state. she is making me crazy and i hate her so much i dont even want to look at her.I’m so tired. Last year my husband if 2 years forced me to leave him 6 months pregnant with our daughter (domestic violence situation). I have been with my parents for a year and am working on a divorce (further complicated because I never reported abuse to the police). we had to put a lock on my bedroom door to keep her out of my makeup and jewlery which she has broken/lost and colored with and now i have to wake up at 545am because she destroys the house while im sleeping since she wakes up before my husband leaves for love of my baby, and I know that she deserves better than what she would have had if we were together, but I miss my husband. I feel like I only left to protect her (which is why I still won’t go back), but I don’t deserve any better than what I had and if it wasn’t for keeping her safe. I have the 2y/o from hell. she hits me bites me throws things at me screams/yells at me all day everyday for the last 6months or so. Anything she ruins belongs to me she wont touch her fathers things and shes always getting into things she never goes near when her father is home. I never would have left (even if it killed me). I really believe at this point that the only reason I am alive is because of something happened to me she would go to him. If that wasn’t the case, I would just kill myself. MAMAMOWA

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