i felt guilty for a long time thinking "why am I not like all the other students at law school or health who can drink heavy and party heavy and I can't do that? they get laid and skite all the time about how many guys or chicks they had and I have only had sex like less then a handfull times all said and done and i am 45. why do I need to be so honorable, so right, so perfectly righteous to the point i will tolerate not being loved or liked by many? why do I walk away from most men and give up on them and move on to another new one that excites me and I am just bored of their bitches around them and think "well i might not have a husband but i have justice and a legalistic mind to know when to tell someone off and when to just let go" i still haven't found 1 man worth all the effort. and being raped by ken was not nice, but i faced worst things. i mean love is a waste of time I told a lot of therapist that. it never works out so why should it now. when it never did when it really mattered the most.