Possibly the worst thing I've ever done

Anyone seen the movie “Flatliners”? As a kid, we teased a girl who later suicided. When I was 12-14, (seventh-eigth grade) there was a girl in our class who was generally unpopular. She was a bit shy and basically quite unattractive. I was also having social problems at the time, and our school was very cliquey - you were either “in” or “out”. I was on the borderline at that point. Anyway, at some point, probably in eigth grade, I made up the nickname “Frieda” for this girl. It was based on the Aussie movie “Puberty Blues” where there is a character called “Frieda the Moll” who is generally disliked but has sex with all the guys. I was being a smart-arse and trying to get myself ahead by treading on those weaker than me, which I know is despicable (there may have been an element of that even in the nickname - when you watch the movie, you feel a lot of sympathy for Frieda and despise those who mock her). Anyway, the most popular girl in the class picked up on the name and encouraged others to tease her with it. I didn’t do much of the teasing, but I certainly was reponsible in having coined the name. At the end of eighth grade the girl left our school. Her brother was in the year below us at our school, and I guess I heard of her now and again. It doesn’t seem she fared that much better socially at her new school. A couple of years later (at the end of tenth grade), we heard that she had jumped off a cliff. Most of us were overseas on a school trip, so we only got the details later when we came back. There were rumours that her Dad always gave her a hard time, calling her ugly and useless and perhaps physically abusing her. I have no way of knowing if that is in the least bit true. Because I was o/s, I missed the funeral etc. and I have always felt that I have at the very least some contributary responsibility to her death. I don’t actually expect forgiveness, as those I need to ask it from are her and her family, and because death is so final, forgiveness is not really an option. I guess I will just always feel terrible about this, and so I should.
20

Next post in 20s

Will redirect automatically

This confession was shared anonymously on i4giveu.com

More from 'Pride' category

I Am The World's Beautiful and Terrible, so everyone tells me. So what? Full of pride and lot of ego about my young body at a sweet age of 20 and the prettiest girl on campus. I am a girl who is a freshman year in college. I have a wonderful family, good friends, a great education, and a fantastic life overall and both my parents are the best in the world. I am aware of this and of the opportunities that I have had over the years. Yet every day I feel both overwhelming joy and overwhelming sadness. The world is so foul, so disgusting, and people can be so hateful. My room mate is a racist and other people around me seem so bigoted and cruel. I have met many people here in the past few weeks, but they all seem so superficial and only care about appearances. I am a natural beauty and been modelling since the age of 3 and I have been told I have a great modelling career ahead of me and sometimes I prefer that to school. Some people seem sweet and down to earth, but they are hard to find especially at school and worst in modelling they are much crueler. At the same time, I see so many caring people who try to do good. It leaves me so confused. So many people call them losers for being nice and good people. I go to the park for a jog and I see a lot of sad lonely single young people, single older people and we all live single lives now. My friends and college and work friends rarely mix other then for competes. I want to talk to someone about these feelings, but I can't because when I have tried to voice them, no one seems to understand who I am supposed to be. I know that almost everyone thinks these thoughts, and similar thoughts, so I don't see why people can't talk about them. Like why is life so unfair and lonely and like when you are pretty you are bullied and picked on and left out too, or friends are just using and hurt me after they better me. I feel so out of place, and weird. The guys that I am friends with here clearly think that I am strange but hot and chase me then let me down, and I'm afraid that no guy will ever like me again seriously or notice me unless I go naked so I am considering doing some nude modelling for artists and painters at the near by school of arts. Would any of them notice me, let alone love me beyond what they see and the money is great but my friends say its like being a prostitute but I don't care cuz I have done that since the age of 13 and its great money for sideline things. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and we were deeply in love but once he found out about my Other side/my other personality who when I dress that way and act that way I am another person the prostitute , and I fear that I will never get that again, that no one will think that I am worthwhile. so long as the money comes in for a drug addiction I guess what does it matter. I don't know who to talk to about this stuff. I know that I should just appreciate my incredible life, but sometimes it's hard.

I Am The World's Beautiful and Terrible, so everyone tells me. So what? Full of pride and lot of ego...