Confusion

I Am The World's Beautiful and Terrible, so everyone tells me. So what? Full of pride and lot of ego about my young body at a sweet age of 20 and the prettiest girl on campus. I am a girl who is a freshman year in college. I have a wonderful family, good friends, a great education, and a fantastic life overall and both my parents are the best in the world. I am aware of this and of the opportunities that I have had over the years. Yet every day I feel both overwhelming joy and overwhelming sadness. The world is so foul, so disgusting, and people can be so hateful. My room mate is a racist and other people around me seem so bigoted and cruel. I have met many people here in the past few weeks, but they all seem so superficial and only care about appearances. I am a natural beauty and been modelling since the age of 3 and I have been told I have a great modelling career ahead of me and sometimes I prefer that to school. Some people seem sweet and down to earth, but they are hard to find especially at school and worst in modelling they are much crueler. At the same time, I see so many caring people who try to do good. It leaves me so confused. So many people call them losers for being nice and good people. I go to the park for a jog and I see a lot of sad lonely single young people, single older people and we all live single lives now. My friends and college and work friends rarely mix other then for competes. I want to talk to someone about these feelings, but I can't because when I have tried to voice them, no one seems to understand who I am supposed to be. I know that almost everyone thinks these thoughts, and similar thoughts, so I don't see why people can't talk about them. Like why is life so unfair and lonely and like when you are pretty you are bullied and picked on and left out too, or friends are just using and hurt me after they better me. I feel so out of place, and weird. The guys that I am friends with here clearly think that I am strange but hot and chase me then let me down, and I'm afraid that no guy will ever like me again seriously or notice me unless I go naked so I am considering doing some nude modelling for artists and painters at the near by school of arts. Would any of them notice me, let alone love me beyond what they see and the money is great but my friends say its like being a prostitute but I don't care cuz I have done that since the age of 13 and its great money for sideline things. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and we were deeply in love but once he found out about my Other side/my other personality who when I dress that way and act that way I am another person the prostitute , and I fear that I will never get that again, that no one will think that I am worthwhile. so long as the money comes in for a drug addiction I guess what does it matter. I don't know who to talk to about this stuff. I know that I should just appreciate my incredible life, but sometimes it's hard.

I Am The World's Beautiful and Terrible, so everyone tells me. So what? Full of pride and lot of ego...

afraid to use the bathroom with others around. Im afraid to go to the bathroom when other people are anywhere near. Im afraid they might hear me and laugh. I know that's totally weird, but when im in that situation I panic and sometimes will hold it and it makes my stomach hurt very bad.

afraid to use the bathroom with others around. Im afraid to go to the bathroom when other people are...

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Wanting ♡╯▅╰╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲╯╯☼ ▕▕╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╭╭ ▕▕╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱┛▂╲╲╭ ╱▂▂▂▂▂▂╱╱┏▕╋▏╲╲ ▔▏▂┗┓▂▕▔┛▂┏▔▂▕▔ ▕▕╋▏▕╋▏▏▕┏▏▕╋▏▏ ▕┓▔┗┓▔┏▏▕┗▏┓▔┏▏ . ╲╲╲╲╲┏━━━┓╱╱╱╱╱ ╲┏━━━┻━━━┻━━━┓╱ ╲┃╭━╮┏━━━┓╭━╮┃╱ ╱┃┃╳┃┣◯━◯┫┃╳┃┃╲ ╱┃╰━╯┣━━━┫╰━╯┃╲ ╱┃┈▊▊▊▊┈▂▃▅▇┈┃╲ ╱┗━━━━━━━━━━━┛╲. ╲╲╲╲╲┏━━━┓╱╱╱╱╱ ╲┏━━━┻━━━┻━━━┓╱ ╲┃╭━╮┏━━━┓╭━╮┃╱ ╱┃┃╳┃┣◯━◯┫┃╳┃┃╲ ╱┃╰━╯┣━━━┫╰━╯┃╲ ╱┃┈▊▊▊▊┈▂▃▅▇┈┃╲ ╱┗━━━━━━━━━━━┛╲ ╲╲╲╲╲┏━━━┓╱╱╱╱╱ ^^^^^^^^^ (_______) ^^^^^^^^^^^^ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡" "

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Wanting ♡╯▅╰╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲╯╯☼ ▕▕╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╲╲╭╭ ▕▕╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱┛▂╲╲╭ ╱▂▂▂▂▂▂╱╱┏▕╋▏╲╲ ...