My wife and I have been married 20 My wife and I have been married 20 years. I never dated another woman. I have never had s** with any other woman (really). She had s** with one other guy when she was seventeen and never saw him again. I regret not having had s** with at least one other woman in my life before we got married.

My wife and I have been married 20 My wife and I have been married 20 years. I never dated another woman. I have never had s** with any other woman (really). She had s** with one other guy when she was seventeen and never saw him again. I regret not having had s** with at least one other woman in my life before we got married.
20

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I am running out of money and am considering going back to work as an escort to pay my bills, and to support my awful habit. I have been sniffing Coke, and also started smoking it again last year. I would work for myself, and not join an agency because they take most of your hard earned money just for getting you clients. I was an escort for years in the past. It wasn't too bad; I do love sex, and always made my clients very happy. I wouldn't recommend this job to anyone because it can fuck with your head and lead to substance abuse and possibly self destruction. I have done it clean before. I worked out of my apartment in a big city. Now I'd have to go to a hotel, or to their house. I'm a little nervous but am not working right now, and am trying to get disability for my bipolar disorder and depression. It's pretty bad. My bf uses heroin and Coke, and sometimes shoots it. He puts me down for smoking it but that's okay?? I don't think so! I haven't paid rent yet this month. I owed my landlord 1400.00 recently, and just paid it off a few weeks ago. My bf lives off of his wife. It's killing me that he's married, although he lives downstairs and doesn't sleep with her anymore. Hes helped me do many things in my life to better myself, but I'm very concerned about our drug problem. I spent sooo much money on stuff this year that it isn't funny. He would be livid if he found out I was escorting, but he isn't paying my damn bills! I can't work on the books due to my disability case. I guess I'll figure it out...

I am running out of money and am considering going back to work as an escort to pay my bills, and to...

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

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