I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone through, but I have days I am in terror that I lose the plot like friday and told the college to go die and rang the therapist a few times and screaming to them that "someone is trying to kill me and drive me mad I can't take it anymore" and she was like making me stop and breath and then the police came to see me this morning and they don't even frighten me anymore. the young big guys are still the more caring and cuter too.