part of me longs for a greater love then this old guy who means well but is not right for me.

my grandmother used to rant and rave for hours piss drunk every night and my dad does it as well. mumbling and yelling away to himself my grandmother would bow at my grandfather and say "there is your dinner sir!" but it was said like sa! really sacasticly and moody. then she would bow like a japanese servant at everyone. and she would start "that bloody bee, .... that bloody bee," then it would be "dear little robbie, robbie robbie robbie" then it would be the opposite, then it was like "those two bloody girls won't do a thing bloody mongrel kids," then the opposite "lovely sweet girls " or "I'll get that bloody rp after you c g. I will get that g w on to you you bastard" "those bloody bastard neighbors, that harlot walking in my house want to pick a fight with me hey sir! well don't you start and I won't have any backchat out of anyone" give that to me you don't know what you 're doing you bloody idiot you will kill yourself with that" and take a pair of blunt sicssors off you working on craft etc, you could not win. it would go on and on and on and on for hours. these rants and ravings and you had to sit there and not cough fart, faint or hicup or move. this went on afternoons with her brother their arguing over alchol and the car or work then at night it was over my grandfather and the neighbor my grandmother thought he was having an affair with and they were flat out either one them managing a fuck between them! let alone a serious fuck to save the day. seriously it used to drive us mental. now I have my mum and dad to replace them doing the same thing and my older sister rose is a hundred if not a million times worse, and she will bash men, hit them over the head with brooms and attack me, her friends rarely see her bitchy side she saves that for me later after she has tolerated hours of their shit then she will take it out on me, bash me, abuse and bully me and dad she had a scr eaming arguemnt all day last year at melborne cup over nothing. driving my father mental doing these weird niggra black talk calling herself allans miarah cary and other fucking rubbish wanting to go off to filipena whore land. I can't tolerate it so i don't talk to her anymore nor does dad.

my grandmother used to rant and rave for hours piss drunk every night and my dad does it as well. mu...

i have pain again. hope it eases up. fuk it. where is some relief from this boring existence?

i have pain again. hope it eases up. fuk it. where is some relief from this boring existence?

I have a tendancy to swear when I am super angery at everything, like I bottle it up for ages then I do a complete dumbie spit with life in everyway, like its "I want to through in this job, I am sick of study, f this and f that I nearly got run over due to this stupid b! giving me cheek who should know better. I can really express it at times. I don't feel bad being passionate about somethings and expressing myself rather then holding it all in, other times, I just hold everything in like after I was bashed or raped and I never expressed a feeling til I got home and cried alone and ranted and raved. like it took over 2 hours to get home before I told someone I was bashed or raped etc. it took years before I told an outside family member I was raped or molested, i held all that in for so long, covering it up for so long and I must have covered it up pretty well. I can't believe not one teacher didn't pick up something was not right the bruises from him hitting me or burn marks, the other things, the bed wetting and nightmares the sleep paralysis and night terrors and traumas I still go through and insomnia at times. the wacky creative rapid bouts and manic moments of love that disipates to zero nothing ...??? the stiff upper lip infront of everyone then behind closed doors a sigh and shrug off the world behind and scream now n then,

I have a tendancy to swear when I am super angery at everything, like I bottle it up for ages then I...